Are You A Good Wife
A Quiz to Help Women Make Marriage a "Joint Adventure" Answer these questions carefully and honestly. They will show
how you can be a more considerate partner and increase the happiness of your marriage.
A business partnership is described by a striking term, "joint adventure." It means that partners share alike in responsibilities and profits.
If it isn't you may find the reason by answering the following questions. They cover many of the basic troubles that bring unhappy people to us for aid at the Marriage Council of Philadelphia.
1. Do you live within your husband's income?
Money is behind many of the complaints we hear in this office. The wife who spends or makes demands that are not in relation to what her husband can provide is not a real partner. Too many working wives think, "What I make is mine-what my husband makes is ours." The extra funds brought in by a working wife are not of full value unless they also bring a sense of shared effort in getting things for "us" rather than for "me".
One of the most important things a wife can do is to encourage a man in his ambition. This is not always easy. It may mean leaving a home town where you are happy. It may mean living on a small income while he prepares himself, through study, for a better job. Helping your man prepare for self-realization is part of your share as a joint adventurer. If you answered "Yes" to the questions above, you rate well.
ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND ?
1. Does your husband tell you about his work?
5. Are you proud of him, and do you let him know it?
So many of the men who come to us for help say that they have stopped discussing business problems at home because the wives concerned are not interested enough in their work to talk about it intelligently or are so critical that they are of no help. Informing yourself about your husband's career is one of the best investments you can make. If it is complicated or highly technical, borrow books about it from the library. Even if it bores you, ask questions. You may find it interesting, after all.
If he brings home a tale of trouble, don't say, "Why do you get yourself into all of these messes?" What he wants is comfort and a lift. Try to help him think out the best solution, and then encourage him to carry it through. Emerson described a friend as "one before whom I may think aloud." If you answered "Yes" to the questions above, you deserve this description..
ARE YOU CONSIDERATE?
l . Do you send your husband off in good spirits in the morning? 2. Do you look attractive, clean, and neat in the morning?
The mood of the house is the wife's job. If she is truly considerate, she designs both the beginning and end of the day to suit her husband. It is important to adjust your own pleasures to his habits, needs, and likes. If you did not answer "Yes" to these questions, perhaps you are not doing your share as a homemaker.
1. Do you sulk or nag when you can't have your own way ? 2. Do you fib about your mistakes?
5. Do you feel that your husband is outgrowing you ?
A person old enough to be happily married does not think of herself alone. That is the sign of the adolescent, not the adult. Unless you answered "No" to these questions, perhaps you are not changing and adapting as every wife must to stay the same desired, admired, satisfactory mate she seemed to be during courtship.
1. Do you make his friends welcome at home?
2. Do you take part in some community activity?
4. Are you learning any new skill (cooking, sewing, a sport) ? 5. Do you make friends in your neighbourhood?
Taking care of a home usually does not take all of the average wife's time, just as the average job does not take all of a husband's time. Interests outside working hours broaden and invigorate both family life and position in the community. If you answered "Yes" to these questions, you seem to be doing your part in a healthy widening of your family's contacts.
ARE YOU LOYAL?
1. Do you belittle your husband, under the guise of teasing, for a laugh? 2. Do you discuss him disparagingly behind his back? 3. Do you argue with him in public?
4. Do you keep secrets from him?
5. Do you listen to criticism of him without defending him?
A wife can build or destroy a man's self-respect more quickly than anyone else. Difference of opinion is stimulating in a good marriage, but a wise couple agrees to disagree in private, and a loyal couple does not allow criticism to go unanswered. If you answered "No" to these questions
, you rate well on loyalty.
1. Do you encourage the children to keep secrets from their father ? 2. Do you let them criticize him to you ?
4. Do you like to feel that you are the favourite parent?
It is important for children to feel that father and mother are together as a unit. This is where their feeling of security comes from. It is devastating to a child to be put in the position of disloyalty to either parent. This fills him with anxiety and doubt. It also builds great problems of discipline. A smart child may try to play one parent against the other. Saving up punishments until Father comes home is a great mistake for two reasons. It makes Father seem to be an ogre-and it also makes him dread coming home if he has to settle a conflict every evening. "No" to these questions is needed for a good record.
ARE YOU A GOOD MATE?
1. Are you able to discuss sex freely with your husband? 2. Is this relationship happy for you both?
4. Are you as affectionate as before marriage?
There is a great variation in sexual needs in both men and women. The important privilege of both is to be alert to the mate's needs and for each to try to understand and adapt to that of the other. The important duty of the wife is to let her husband know that his emotions as well as her own joyousness in this relationship are understood. A man needs to feel important as well as attractive to his wife. If she lets him doubt that, she causes one of the greatest losses of self-respect a man can know. Unless you answered "Yes" to these questions, perhaps you would do well to examine some other aspects of your marriage to see if you are doing your full part in the sharing of trust, affection, loyalty, and ambition that make a "joint adventure" successful.