ARE YOU A GOOD HUSBAND?

A Test for Husbands

Answer these questions carefully and honestly. They will show

how you can be a more considerate partner and increase the happiness of your marriage.

A business partnership is described by a striking term, "joint adventure." It means that partners share alike in responsibilities and profits.

Is your marriage a joint adventure?

If it isnít you may find the reason by answering the following questions. They cover many of the basic troubles that bring unhappy people to us for aid at the Marriage Council of Philadelphia.

DO YOU PROVIDE REAL FINANCIAL SECURITY?

1. Have you a steady income?

2. Has your wife a specific amount of pocket money to spend without explanation ?

3. Have you made a will?

4. Do you carry insurance?

5. Does she know details of your will, insurance, and income?

If you answered "Yes" to these questions, you rate well as a good provider. It goes without saying that a woman feels insecure unless a husband has a steady income so that she does not feel threatened or uncertain. However, many men with more than adequate incomes are far from adequate as good providers. When you plan a change in job or business do you discuss it with your wife? By "protecting" her from your career problems you may be defeating your own purpose. She will sense that some problem is on your mind, and the uncertainty will make her feel uneasy on a personal as well as financial level,

A budget that provides money for her personal use is, important to a

wifeís dignity. Frequently husbands protest, "But I. never refuse her anything-all she has to do is ask!" They do not realize that the asking can be irksome and embarrassing to theí point of injuring a wifeís happiness. Lack of pocket money for personal necessities is one of the commonest causes for unhappiness that we hear.

Another is uncertainty about what the future holds in case of a husbandís

death. Many wives build up cases of acute anxiety because they do not know terms of a husbandís will. This is particularly true when the man

has multiple responsibilities, such as dependent parents or children by a former marriage.

Sharing information may be just as important to a wifeís sense of security as providing an adequate income.

"This test and the following one were prepared by Dr. Emily H. Mudd, director of the Marriage Council of Philadelphia, and are reprinted from The American Weekly with the permission of the author and the publisher.

ARE YOU CONSIDERATE?

1. Are you as prompt as she is ? 2. Are you as tidy as she is?

3. Do you respect her affection for her family and friends, even though you do not care for them?

4. Do you respect her religion, even though yours is different?

5. Do you occasionally plan entertainment that she enjoys, even though it is not your favourite ?

Different people find different things of great importance. Untidiness or chronic tardiness, in themselves, do not damage a marriage. It is the way those concerned feel about such things that counts.

If you answered "Yes" to these questions, it shows that you are able to put yourself in your wifeís place at least part of the timeóa most important element in a happy marriage.

ARE YOU LOYAL?

1. Do you belittle her under the guise of teasing?

2. Do you discuss her domestic failings with others ?

3. Do you argue with her in public (rather than waiting until you are alone to talk out and work on your differences) ?

4. Do you reverse her authority or decisions without consulting her?

5. Do you let her fight her own battles (rather than having an immediate impulse to stand up for her) ?

A womanís happiness and security are closely allied with the feeling that her husband is on her side first, last, and always. One of our clients found out that his marriage was in trouble because of his constant teasing stories about his wife as "my dumb darling", both to her face and behind her back. Such kidding can damage pride, especially if there is a thread of truth in it! A womanís happiness is insecure unless she is basically confident of her husbandís respect. If you answered "No" to these questions,

you have a good score for loyalty.

ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND?

1. Does she tell you her troubles ?

2. When you have a disagreement can your each a compromise or is a quarrel never settled until she gives in) ?

3. Do you encourage her to develop her own capacities?

4. Do you try to share her enthusiasms, even if they arenít yours?

5. Are you listening to her with interest (rather than being bored unless you do all the talking) ?

Being able to share problems and count on a husbandís interest and understanding is important to every wife. Communication is the thing we are emphasizing in this set of questions, and unless you answered "Yes" to all of them, you do not win a passing grade. When communication breaks down, husband and wife become less sensitive to each other, and

more and more absorbed in their own hurts.

Good marriage partners should be able to discuss differences and reach an understanding through compromise or acceptance rather than through surrender or the avoiding of disputes.

DO YOU MAKE HER FEEL SUCCESSFUL?

1. Are you proud of her popularity (rather than feeling she is a rival for attention) ?

2. Do you value her opinion and let others know it?

3. Do. you compliment her for good meals, household, or other achievements ?

4. Are you as affectionate as you were before marriage? 5. Do you remember to tell her that you love her?

Security on all levels is vital to a good marriage. Making a wife feel valued is an important part of her security. Unless you answered "Yes" to these questionsí, better ask yourself if you are hurting the mood of your marriage by taking your wife a little too much for granted.

ARE YOU A GOOD PARENT?

1. Do you share discipline of the children?

2. Do you listen with keen interest to her questions or problems about them (rather than feeling that is her department) ?

3. Do you have your childrenís confidence (or do they tell their troubles only to their mother) ?

4. Do you plan for their education?

5. Do you spend a regular amount of time with them each day or week ?

Many women feel that the entire responsibility for training of children is unfairly on their shoulders and complain that the husband is either overly indulgent with them or overly severe in correcting them because lie

(toes not share a plan of training with her. Unless you answered "Yes" to

these questions, perhaps you are giving your wife an unfair share of your joint responsibility for the children.

ARE YOU REALLY GROWN UP?

1. Do you frequently drink more than you should?

2. Do you gamble for higher stakes than you can afford? 3. Do you boast of your successes?

4. Do you make "passes" at other women?

5. Are you unfaithful to your marriage vows?

For a perfect score, you should be able to say "No" to these questions. Psychiatrists know that gambling, boasting, or drinking to excess usually are signs of frustration in a person who is not sufficiently mature to take the daily grind of adult responsibilities. All are evidence of an attempt to escape realities in a dreamworld of wishful thinking. The same is true of the husband (or the wife) who must forever be chasing a new love. The Don Juan needs constant assurance that he is attractive to a series of women because he is not grown up enough for the giving and sharing that the partnership of marriage calls for.

ARE YOU A GOOD MATE?

1. Can you discuss sex freely with her?

2. Do you believe that this part of marriage can and should be as rewarding to a woman as to a man?

3. Do you know that men and women may have different reactions to sex, and do you try to understand how she feels?

4. Is this relation satisfactory to each of you?

Sex in women is usually more closely tied in with many other emotions than it is with men. A man is apt to be more easily aroused than a woman, and his emotions are apt to be less complicated. Sex in a woman is influenced by her sense of security and very greatly by her pride and belief in her husband. Many wives tell us, "I no longer respect my husband, so I can no longer give him loveóI canít give, love unless I can give respect also." Unless you answered "Yes" to these questions, you might do well to see if the trouble does not lie in some inadequacies in one of the other levels of your marriage-financial, personal, or emotional.