LISTEN, SON

A Father's Talks on the Facts of Life and Catholic Ideals of Social

Conduct

IN THREE PARTS

Copyright by Franciscan Herald Press, 1952

1434 West Fifty-First Street

Chicago 9, Ill.

Nihil Obstat: Rev. John J. Clifford, S.J., Censor Dept.

July 29, 1952

Imprimatur: Samuel Cardinal Stritch, Archbishop of Chicago

July 30, 1952

NOTICE

This booklet is not to be placed in any book rack, nor to be sold

indiscriminately to the general public. Parents or other mature persons

desiring copies should apply to their pastor or write to the

publishers.

In deepest humility

this little work is dedicated to

GOD THE HOLY GHOST

with a fervent prayer

that He may enlighten and direct

all who read it.

CONTENTS

PART ONE:

To be read to boys of from 9 to 13 years

PART TWO:

To be read to boys of from 14 to 16 years

PART THREE:

To be read to boys of from 16 to 19 years

FOREWARD

WE LIVE in an age of practical paganism. There are still, it is true,

many Christians who lead a truly Christian life; even many of our

government officials pay external homage to God; and there are numerous

evidences that religion still exerts an influence on individuals and on

society. Yet the general condition of family life, the godlessness of

our public schools, the trends in both private and commercialized

amusements, the dominant tone of the vast majority of best sellers,

magazines and papers and the character of popular songs all paint an

over-all picture of a world that is not much concerned about God or the

affairs of another life.

It is into this world that the children of today are born. It is this

world in which they grow up, with which they daily rub elbows and which

day in and day out, in a thousand different ways, helps to affect their

outlook on life, fix their standards, form their habits, shape their

objectives and plans, and mold their character. It is like the current

of a vast swift stream that sweeps along everything that floats on its

surface.

Is there any way to counteract the influence of these forces of

ungodliness? Any means of holding fast to Catholic principles and

practices despite the seductions of the world? We know that there must

be; for God still demands that we keep His commandments, and it is

impossible to do so without going counter to the ways of the world.

Probably the most important single means to be employed in stemming the

tide of worldliness is for parents to inculcate Christian principles in

their sons and daughters and regulate their home and social life

strictly by these standards. Many a Catholic father no doubt sincerely

desires to form the mind and heart of his sons according to Christian

standards and to convince them that it is for their own good not to

follow the crowd; but he lacks the ability to guide them safely amid

the mass of conflicting views and to defend the Christian principles

that he desires to teach. He knows the truths of the Catechism but what

he needs is a short guidebook applying its truths to everyday life,

especially in the difficult and delicate field of sexual and social

conduct. It was for the benefit of such fathers and their sons that

this series of instructions was written. In twelve heart-to-heart

talks, which the father needs only to read to his son, a simple, clear,

reverent and graduated account is given of the facts that a growing boy

should gradually learn to know.

It is true that a number of books already exist that were written for

the express purpose of informing Catholic boys about the facts of life;

but apparently none has yet met with general satisfaction. Since the

publication of "MOTHER'S LITTLE HELPER" some years ago for the

instruction of girls, numerous requests have reached the publishers for

a similar set of booklets for boys. It would seem, then, that the books

so far written do not adequately meet the demand for a book of this

type. One priest made the following observation on "MOTHER'S LITTLE

HELPER": "All other books of this kind that I have read seemed either

too spiritual or not spiritual enough. These instructions keep

everything on a high plane and still give clear and satisfactory

explanations and reasons."

The present little work, accordingly, is intended to be the aid to

Catholic fathers that "MOTHER'S LITTLE HELPER" has been to literally

hundreds of thousands of Catholic mothers during the past dozen years.

Like its elder companion, it carefully avoids the use of crass

anatomical and biological terms; and by constantly referring to the

fact that man is the work of God and that every detail of his origin

and development has been ordained by God's infinite wisdom, strives to

make the child realize that God alone is the author and master of life

and, therefore, that all the processes of life are as sacred as they

are mysterious a admirable.

Unless a boy acquires the supernatural attitude toward this subject

right in the beginning, there will be danger his having a wrong

attitude towards it all through life. But if the subject is introduced

and unfolded to him by his own parent in a tactful and reverent manner

with constant reference to God and a minimum of physical details, the

first impression he receives will be sacred, deep and lasting; and he

will be prepared to acquire more detailed information from other

Catholic sources whenever his age or circumstances require it.

The generally accepted principles among Catholics in regard to the

imparting of sex information can be summarily stated as follows: 1. It

should be imparted by the parents; 2. It should be graduated to the

child's growing needs; 3. Details should be given to single

individuals, not to a group, and above all, not to a mixed group; 4.

The information should be accompanied with suggestions of motives and

means for the practice of purity. To enable parents to observe the

spirit of these rules, there should b separate books for the

instructions of boys and for the instructions of girls; and sex

information of importance for adolescents of only one sex should be

excluded from books intended for the instruction of the opposite sex.

An earnest effort has been made to make LISTEN, SON, conform to all

these requirements. Not only is the matter specialized for the boy, but

it is graduated both by age groups and by stages in the several age

groups. Every effort should be made, however, that the rights of the

parents in this regard be respected, and especially that the great

advantages of the son's receiving these instructions from his parent be

safeguarded. It is for this reason that these booklets are being

distributed privately and not advertised in papers or periodicals

circulating among the general public.

All who may co-operate in bringing these instructions to the attention

of parents are urgently requested to respect the designs of the

publishers and not place the booklets in pamphlet racks or otherwise

permit them to be sold indiscriminately. It is a strange inconsistency

to tell parents to instruct their children, and then to hand the

children a pamphlet that gives them at one sitting all the information

that their parents are wisely giving them at greater or lesser

intervals. But to put a book on sex in a pamphlet rack is to incite the

young folks to read it; and if an immature reader suffers harm from it,

someone besides the reader will share the responsibility.

The age at which the first instruction may best be read to any

particular boy, as well as how long an interval should elapse before

the reading of each successive instruction, will naturally depend upon

the type of boy and each one's peculiar circumstances. The proverb

"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise," still has its

justification, especially since experience proves that too early

initiation into the mysteries of life does not make a boy truly wise,

but produces rather that undesirable and preposterous thing--the

sophisticated child. Even in this age in which the atmosphere seems

charged with sex, many perfectly normal, wide-awake and lively boys

find so many things absorbing their interest that they never pay any

attention to sex; and some even pass the middle of their teens without

ever thinking to inquire where babies come from.

Still, as a rule, the first instruction had probably best be given when

a boy reaches his ninth year, even though he may have asked no

questions nor manifested any curiosity about the origin of life. The

remaining instructions can then follow the schedule of years given on

the title page of each booklet, unless some circumstance should make it

advisable to anticipate the suggested schedule. A point to be noted is

that all the instructions are to be read by the father to his son and

not simply given to him to read for himself. Some fathers may prefer to

study the contents and then give the substance in their own words or

recite the instruction from memory. But many will not feel capable of

adopting that method, as the right word that seemed so inevitable in

reading over the instruction often fails to come to mind on repeating

the lesson. Then, too, the very fact that the matter is being read from

an approved Catholic book will lend it additional authority in the eyes

of the boy.

The main reason why the booklet should not be given to the boy to read

is that he should be trained to confide in his father in regard to all

problems of the years of his adolescence, and an occasional

heart-to-heart talk with his boy is one of the best means the father

can use of winning and preserving his confidence. For the same reason,

if there are two or more sons of nearly the same age in the family, the

talks should nevertheless be given to each separately, so that each may

have the father's whole attention and an opportunity to ask questions

without being embarrassed by the presence of others. Though they should

be encouraged to ask questions and mention their doubts, they should

also be given to understand that, if it is deemed advisable to postpone

the answer, they should be content and not seek information elsewhere,

as their father will tell them all that will be useful for them at the

proper time.

One last word of caution may not be superfluous; viz., that the

instructions should be given at a time when the boy is in a quiet mood

and disposed to receive them. He will not be disposed if he is forced

to sit down and listen when he is dying to be somewhere else. The

father should choose a time when both are at leisure, gain his interest

by some paternal remark (which might well be a compliment or a word of

appreciation), and then invite him aside for a little chat. The mother

can co-operate by arranging to have the other children occupied

elsewhere; and both parents should recommend the matter to God in

prayer both before and during, as well as after, the conference.

PART ONE

(To be read to boys of from 9 to 13 years)

INSTRUCTION I

Listen, son.

One of the very first things you learned in Religion class was the

answer to the question: "Who made you?" You were taught that God made

you: that He made heaven and earth, the land and the sea, plants and

animals and all things. Later on you were told how God made the first

man and the first woman. The first man, Adam, God made by making a body

out of earth and breathing into it an immortal soul. And Eve, the first

woman, God made out of a rib which He took from Adam's side while he

was asleep.

You were never told how God made all other men and women; but you know

that they must be made in a different way than Adam and Eve, because

God made Adam at once a full-grown man and Eve a full-grown woman;

while all other men and women come into the world as babies.

Now have you never wondered how God makes babies, and where they come

from? Perhaps you did ask your mother sometime where babies come from;

and she probably told you that they come from God, which is perfectly

true. But things come from God in different ways.

You see, son, when we say that God made all things, or that He is the

Creator of all things, we do not mean that He made everything directly

out of nothing. God made the peaches and the apples, which you like to

eat, and the roses, which you love to see; but you know that they are

not made directly out of nothing, because you have seen them growing on

trees and bushes. At first the peach tree produced buds; the buds grew

into blossoms, and the blossoms into peaches. And even the tree itself

was not made out of nothing; because you know very well that trees,

like plants and flowers, grow up out of seeds. Yet it is entirely

correct to say that God made them, because in the beginning, thousands

of years ago, God created the first trees and plants and flowers, and

made them so that each one would produce seed from which other trees

and plants would develop.

Thus God is the Creator of all things, since He made everything either

directly out of nothing or indirectly by making certain things produce

other things of the same kind. This shows the greatness of God's power.

Men can make flowers, too, that is, artificial ones: and they can make

them so perfect that you can hardly distinguish them from natural ones.

But no man can make a flower that will grow and have seeds and produce

other flowers.

This is all very interesting to you, I am sure; but the most

interesting thing is how God makes man. Every day thousands of new

children come into the world. Do they just drop into their cradles out

of the air like the lovely snowflakes that fall from the sky? Or do

their Guardian Angels bring them down from Heaven and place them in the

arms of their mothers? No. God could create them in that way if He

wanted to, but He doesn't. There are many ways in which God could bring

children into the world, but He chose only one way; and since He is

infinitely wise and holy, the way He chose must surely be the best. But

what is that way?

When God creates a new human being, instead of making its body, as He

did Adam's out of earth, He makes it out of a substance which He

prepares in the body of its mother. In the very same instant that the

tiny body is formed, God makes an immortal soul directly out of nothing

and unites it to the body. This tiny living body is then nourished and

developed inside its mother's body until the time comes for it to be

born.

It was in this way that the Son of God Himself became man, as you can

see from the Gospel that is read on the feast of the Annunciation of

the Blessed Virgin. "The Angel Gabriel," so we read there, "was sent by

God into a city of Galilee called Nazareth to a virgin espoused to a

man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name

was Mary. And the Angel being come in, said to her: 'Hail, full of

grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women.... Behold,

thou shalt conceive in thy womb and shalt bring forth a son, and He

shall be called the "Son of the Most High." ...And Mary said: 'Behold

the handmaid of the Lord; be it done to me according to thy word'"

(Luke 1:26-38).

As soon as Mary uttered these words, she conceived by the Holy Ghost,

as we say in the Angelus; that means, by the action of the Holy Ghost

the body and soul of Jesus were made in Mary's womb and united to the

Second Person of the Blessed Trinity. So you see that the sublime

mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God was accomplished in the

chaste womb of the immaculate Virgin Mary. The womb, you must know, is

that organ inside a woman's body in which a child is conceived, that

is, brought into existence, then nourished just as its mother is

nourished by the food that she eats, and from which it is finally

brought forth or born and then nourished at its mother's breast. And as

Jesus was formed in the womb of His Blessed Mother, so every child that

comes into the world is also formed inside the body of its mother.

So now you know how God creates little children; and you now

understand, too, why a mother loves her child so much, since the

child's body was formed out of her own substance and fed with milk at

her breast. But now listen, son. I never spoke to you about this

before, because the creation of a child is something so wonderful that

boys and girls are usually not told about it until they are old enough

to appreciate the information. Then, too, it is a very mysterious and

sacred subject, which young folks do not know how to talk about in the

right way. But you are now supposed to be old enough and to have sense

enough to keep this information to yourself and not to speak about it

to anyone but your parents or your confessor. From time to time, I

intend to give you other instructions on this subject and on other

subjects; and I want you to feel free to ask me any questions that may

come to your mind. You can be sure that your mother and I want to do

all that we can for you, not only to make you happy and help you grow

up healthy and strong, but also to help you grow up a good boy. So

trust us and don't try to get information from other persons, because

we will tell you all that it will be good for you to know at the proper

time.

INSTRUCTION II

My dear son.

In the instruction I gave you some time ago, I explained to you that

Our Lord was conceived in His Blessed Mother's womb on the day of the

Annunciation. From that day until He was born, Jesus lay hidden away

beneath his Mother's heart. If you recall how happy you were the first

time you received Jesus in Holy Communion, you can imagine how much

greater must have been the joy that Mary felt. For the consecrated Host

that you receive remains in you only a short time; but Jesus remained

in Mary for nine months; so that during all that time Mary knew that,

no matter where she went or what she did, whether working or praying,

walking or sleeping, she had Little Jesus within her.

As the Annunciation is celebrated on March 25, you will now understand

why Christmas or the birth of our Lord is celebrated on December 25--

just nine months later. Nine months usually pass by from the time that

a child is conceived until it is born; and during that time the mother

is said to be "with child" or to be an "expectant" mother. As the

Blessed Virgin knew from the annunciation of the Angel Gabriel the

exact day that Jesus was conceived, she knew also when He was to be

born; and she accordingly took with her the necessary infant clothing

when she had to journey to Bethlehem. Other women are not so fortunate

as to know at once when God has given them a child; but after a few

weeks it is indicated by certain physical signs, and they can then

figure out approximately when the child may be expected to be born.

It is to these facts of nature that the evangelist St. Luke refers when

he says in the Gospel of the first Mass on Christmas Day: "And Joseph

also went up from Galilee...to Bethlehem to be enrolled with Mary, his

espoused wife, who was with child. And it came to pass that when they

were there, her days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her first-born Son, and wrapped Him up in

swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manger" (Luke 2:6-7).

As Mary carried Jesus under her heart for nine months, so Mary had been

carried in like manner by her mother St. Ann for the same length of

time. You will find, therefore, if you count the months, that there

were exactly nine months also between the Immaculate Conception of the

Blessed Virgin and her Nativity, since the former is celebrated on

December 8, and the latter on September 8. It may be well to remind you

here what is meant by the Immaculate Conception. When other children

are conceived, their souls are stained with original sin; but because

God created Mary's soul in the state of sanctifying grace, we say that

she was conceived without sin, or that her conception was immaculate.

It is to honor this great privilege of Mary's Immaculate Conception

that the Church has attached an indulgence of 300 days to the little

prayer: "O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse

to thee." Learn this prayer by heart and say it often, especially when

you are tempted to do anything wrong. Mary is your heavenly Mother, and

she loves you even more than your mother and I do.

Since you learned about the way that God creates children, the thought

may have come to you: I wonder how it comes that only married women

have children. There are several things that must be explained to you

in answer to that question; but the most important thing is this:

Bringing up children, taking proper care of them, obtaining food,

clothing and shelter for them, and training and instructing them is by

no means an easy task. For this reason, and no doubt for other wise

reasons, God in His infinite wisdom and fatherly care for His Children,

arranged that every child should have also a father, who should love

it, labor to support it and its mother, provide a home for them, and

form with them a family. And that the parents might not separate and

deprive the child of the loving care that it needs. God also ordained

that the parents should be united in marriage and be bound by the mar-

riage contract to live together until death.

Another thing that you may have wondered about is why a doctor is

usually called when a baby is born. You may even have heard people say:

"The doctor brought us a new baby." This does not mean that the doctor

brought the baby into the home, but that he helped the mother bring it

into the world. You see, son, a mother usually suffers great pain and

sometimes has great difficulty in giving birth to a child; and a

new-born baby is a very delicate creature. For these reasons it is

advisable and at times even necessary to have a doctor to assist the

mother and to give her and her infant the best of care. That is why it

is very common nowadays for women to go to a hospital when they expect

the birth of a child. If Adam and Eve had not sinned, giving birth to a

child would have been easy and painless; but in punishment for their

sin, God addressed to Eve the following words: "In sorrow shalt thou

bring forth children." And that is also what Our Lord referred to when

He said to His Apostles: "A woman when she is about to give birth, hath

sorrow because her hour is come; but when she hath brought forth the

child, she remembereth no more the anguish for joy that a man is born

into the world" (John 16:21).

INSTRUCTION III

Listen, son.

After I told you that God creates children within their mother's body,

I said that God wanted only married women to have babies so that the

children would have both a father and a mother to love them and to take

care of them. It does not follow from that, however, that all married

women have children. Some women are married for years without having

any, although they would dearly love to have children. Thus St. Ann,

the wife of St. Joachim, had no child until she was quite old, when she

became the mother of the Blessed Virgin. Just why this is so, no one

fully understands; but usually there is some physical cause, Just as

there is some physical cause why some people remain small and others

grow tall; some get stout and some stay thin.

In some cases, however, married women have no children because they do

not do what is necessary to have a child. You see, since it is a lot of

trouble for parents to take care of their children, God does not give

them a child unless they do what is necessary to have one. So if they

do not do that, they will never have any children.

Another reason why God wants the parents to cooperate with Him in the

creation of new human beings is that He wants the parents to have a

great love for their children; and everybody naturally loves what he

himself helped to make. Thus a boy is much attached to a radio, a toy

or perhaps a drawing or painting he has made himself. And if he worked

long and hard at a picture or something in order to make a gift of it

to his parents, we say that it was a work of love.

Now God in His infinite wisdom wanted every child to be also a work of

love--the result of the love of husband and wife for each other. For

this reason He has made it natural for certain men and women to love

each other more than any other person, or as we say, to fall in love

with each other, and then to get married by promising to live together

and to love each other until death. Since the child is formed of the

mother's own substance, as I have already told you, in a little nest,

as it were, which God prepares beneath every woman's heart, it is only

natural that a mother loves her child as her own self. But God wants

the father also to have a share in bringing the child into existence.

The father can just as truly say: "This is my child" as the mother; for

without the father the child could not have come into being. The only

child who never had a real human father was the Child Jesus. God worked

a special miracle to create His body in the womb of the Blessed Virgin;

and that is why St. Joseph is called only the foster father of Jesus.

But what does the father's part in bringing the child into existence

consist in? It consists in an act of love. You know, I am sure, that a

kiss is an act of love. And because God wants husband and wife to love

each other more than any other person, it is natural and proper for

them to show their love to each other by kissing. But the most intimate

act of love is embracing; and it is by a very intimate embrace of his

wife that a husband makes it possible for her to become a mother.

You see then, son, how wonderfully and beautifully God has arranged

everything for the creation of a child. He wants every child to be the

result of the love that its father and mother have for each other.

Yet, holy and sacred as is this embrace in the married state, it is not

lawful for unmarried persons. Even kisses between young men and young

women are often sinful because they may lead to this embrace; but the

intimate embrace itself that is permitted to a husband and his wife

would always be a mortal sin for unmarried persons. You can easily

understand what a difference marriage makes, if you recall what a

difference the Sacrament of Holy Orders makes. A priest is a human

being just as well as a layman is; yet because the priest has received

Holy Orders, it is a holy and sacred thing for him to touch and handle

the Sacred Host, while for an unordained person the same act would be a

mortal sin and a sacrilege.

Still, since it is possible for an unmarried girl to allow a man to

give her the marital embrace, it is possible also for an unmarried girl

to become a mother. But, as I have said, in that case such an embrace

would be a grievous sin for the boy as well as for the girl. It would

not be a sin, of course, for the girl, if a man would overpower her and

give her that embrace entirely against her will. But such a thing does

not happen so easily, as the girl would know at once that he was doing

something wrong and she could offer resistance. Still, because of the

danger, a boy should beware of being all alone with a girl in a place

where they can not be seen by others; e.g., in a car parked in a dark

place.

Here let me warn you again not to talk about these things with other

boys; and if they begin to do so, talk of something else or go away. As

I told you in the first instruction, this is a sacred subject, and boys

are too lightminded to speak of it with proper reverence. Besides, you

still do not know enough about it, and if you speak of it with them,

you may give them wrong ideas or get wrong ideas from them. All through

life we have to control our curiosity in regard to some things; so

learn to control your curiosity about this matter for the love of God.

Remember what happened to Eve for being over curious and accepting

information from the wrong source. Instead of believing what God told

her, she believed the serpent and ate of the forbidden fruit. A bad boy

can also be like a snake in the grass; so whenever you want any

information on this subject, don't go to boys, but ask your parents,

and they will tell you all that will be useful for you in good time.

INSTRUCTION IV

My dear son.

It is customary in many Catholic schools, for the Sisters to collect

pennies from the pupils for the purchase of Chinese babies. The pupils

are told that in far off China many pagan mothers care so little for

their children that when they have more children than they want, they

will put a new-born babe out on the street to die; but if they are paid

a small sum of money, they will let the Catholic missionaries take the

child and baptize it and bring it up a Christian. The abandoning of

their children by these Chinese mothers no doubt seems very strange to

you, but as they are pagans and live so far away, you probably think

that the destruction of infant lives is something that occurs only

among uncivilized nations.

I wish it were possible to leave you under that impression always. But

you will not be a child always. You will grow up and will have to act

your part on the stage of life. And as life is a serious business, you

must be instructed how to act. You might be told what you have to

expect, so that you will not be taken by surprise and in your confusion

make serious mistakes.

Since, therefore, you are developing rapidly and will soon be passing

from boyhood to youth or young manhood, it is now time for you to be

told that terrible wickedness is found not only in far distant pagan

countries or in nations of long ago, but right here in our own country;

yes, even in your own city, and perhaps even among people who are

looked upon as upright and respectable citizens. You might gasp at the

idea and think it impossible; yet it is only too true that hundreds of

babies are killed in this country every year.

This shows how wicked people can become when they do not listen to the

teachings of religion. If a human life gets in the way of their desire

for ease, comfort or pleasure, and they can do away with it without

being punished by civil authorities. they simply do away with it. In

this instruction, then, I want to speak to you about the sacredness of

human life, so that you will understand better what an awful crime it

is destroy even a single human life. It is true, the willful killing of

a grown-up person or even of a child in cold blood is regarded with

horror by all civilized people. But many people do not consider it a

serious thing to destroy the life of an unborn child; and it was

chiefly of unborn children that I was speaking when I said that many

children are killed in this country every year.

Probably the main reason why many people do not think it a serious

matter to destroy the life of an unborn child, is the fact that the

child is not fully developed and has never been seen, and in

consequence is not missed. Then, too, since in the early months of its

life before birth, a child can often be got rid of very easily merely

by means of certain drugs or medicines, a woman who does not want to

bother with a baby thinks it a very simple thing to take a little

medicine and get rid of it, that is, murder it. I say murder, for no

matter how innocent the taking of medicine may seem to be, to take it

for the purpose of destroying the life of an unborn child is nothing

less than willful murder; just as much as it would be to give deadly

poison to a child already born.

You see, son, from the very first moment that God creates a soul and

unites it to a body in the mother's womb, that tiny creature (smaller

at first that a sparkling dewdrop) is a real human being--a being

endowed with understanding and free will, a being that will exist for

all eternity. And since it is a human being, it has a strict right to

its life, just as truly as the aged man or hopeless invalid who is no

longer able to take care of himself; and, therefore, it has also a

strict right to the nourishment and care it needs in order to live and

grow and be born. And not only the child has a right to its life which

no one can dispute, but, more so still, God has a right to its life

which no one can violate without committing a grievous sin.

When God created man, He gave him power over the lives of irrational

animals; but the power over the lives of men God reserved to Himself.

Consequently, when amid thunder and lightning on Mount Sinai God

solemnly declared, "Thou shalt not kill," He forbade the killing of

every human being, whether old or young, sick or well, born or unborn,

except in a few cases where it is permitted in self-defense, in a just

war, or by lawful authority for the punishment of a serious crime.

You can understand now that, if it is a great wrong for a pagan mother

to expose her newborn babe to the danger of death, it must be a far

greater crime for a Catholic woman to kill her unborn child. For the

pagan mother knows nothing of the necessity of being baptized in order

to get to Heaven; but a Catholic mother knows that by killing the child

in her womb she not only robs it of life, but robs it also of all

chance of ever going to Heaven. God created the soul of that child for

the eternal happiness of Heaven: Jesus died on the cross that He might

wash original sin from its soul with His Precious Blood; and the Holy

Ghost wished to clothe it with the beautiful robe of sanctifying grace.

If in spite of knowing all this, a Catholic mother deliberately

prevents her child from obtaining all those blessings, she just as much

as says: "I don't care if God did create this child for Heaven, or if

Jesus did die for it, or if the Holy Ghost does want to sanctify it. I

don't want to be bothered with it, and so I'll get rid of it." Isn't it

awful? Perhaps you still doubt that a Catholic mother can really be so

heartless; but it is a sad fact that some of them are at times.

It is true, some women, especially non-Catholic ones, who are guilty of

this sin, are not entirely to blame, because they have never been

properly instructed on this matter and, therefore, though their own

conscience should, and does, tell them that it is wrong, it does not

appear to them to be as wrong as it really is. And very often, too,

they are told by other women that it is the proper thing to do if they

are poor or if they already have several children to take care of.

The sin of willfully causing the death of an unborn child is called

abortion. If an unborn child is killed by being accidentally forced out

of the womb before the proper time, that is called a miscarriage and is

no sin, unless the mother was in some way responsible. Another

expression that you may come across some time is "birth control" or

"birth prevention," which is another grievously sinful way of keeping

from having children. The fact that you sometimes find these

expressions in Catholic papers is another reason why it seemed

advisable to give you this information at the present time. You know

now why Catholic editors condemn it and why Catholic priests preach

against it.

But what if a mother were extremely poor or sickly and already had a

large family? Would it still be wrong for her to practice abortion or

birth control? Yes, my son, even then it would be a grievous sin; and

not only for the wife, but also for the husband, if he would co-operate

with her in preventing the birth or the conception of a child. You must

remember that no parents can have a child unless God gives it to them;

and if God wants them to have a child, it is His will that they accept

it and bring it up for Heaven. Very often it is the last child that is

the source of the greatest joy and consolation to its parents. St.

Therese of the Child Jesus was her parents' ninth and last child; St.

Ignatius of Loyola, the thirteenth.

Although you are only a boy, I am sure that this instruction has made a

deep impression upon you. You now realize that there are evils in the

world of which you had never dreamed, and that birth prevention is a

serious sin, no matter how many people practice it and no matter what

they say to defend it. Be careful, however, never to suspect any

married couples of being guilty of this sin. if they have only one or

two or no children. There are so many innocent reasons why married

people may remain childless, that we have no right to judge them guilty

of that sin, unless they themselves admit it.

INSTRUCTION V

Listen, son.

Though you may not have given much attention to the fact, you have

undoubtedly heard or read at some time that is was an extraordinary

privilege for the Blessed Virgin to be at the same time a virgin and a

mother. She is, in fact, the only woman that ever became a mother

without ceasing to be a virgin. If you have thought about the matter at

all, you probably thought that a virgin is the same as an unmarried

woman, and that as soon as a virgin marries she is no longer a virgin.

That is not the case. A virgin does not cease to be a virgin by the

mere fact that she contracts a valid marriage, but by the fact that she

and her husband make use of the marriage right, that is, the right to

the marital embrace conferred by the Sacrament of Matrimony. And as

most married couples make use of that right soon after being married,

married women are no longer classed as virgins but as matrons.

From what I told you in a former instruction, you know that no woman

can conceive a child naturally or become what is called an expectant

mother without the co-operation of the child's father. Hence when Mary

had given birth to Jesus, her relatives and friends took it for granted

that she had become a mother through the co-operation of St. Joseph in

the same natural way as every other mother. Even the Blessed Virgin

herself had no idea how she could become a mother in any other way when

the angel appeared to her and declared that she would conceive in her

womb and bring forth a son. That is why she said to the angel: "How

shall this be done, because I do not know man" (Luke 1:34). By the

words "I do not know man," Mary meant that she did not make use of her

right to the marital embrace, because she had made the vow of perpetual

virginity. The angel then explained to her that she would become the

mother of Jesus in a supernatural manner by a special act of the Holy

Ghost.

And just as Mary did not understand at first how she could remain a

virgin if she became a mother, so neither did St. Joseph When it became

plain to St. Joseph, therefore, from Mary's changed appearance, that

she was with child, and he knew full well that he was not the child's

father, he decided to leave her, although the very thought of parting

from so dear and holy a spouse almost broke his noble heart.

These extraordinary events and how God cleared up the doubts of St.

Joseph are narrated by St. Matthew in the Gospel of the feast of St.

Joseph in the following manner: "Now the generation of Christ was in

this wise. When as His mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they

came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Whereupon

Joseph, her husband, being a just man and not willing publicly to

expose her, was minded to put her away privately. But while he thought

on these things, behold the angel of the Lord appeared to him in his

sleep, saying, 'Joseph, son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary,

thy wife; for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And

she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call His name Jesus; for He

shall save His people from their sins'" (Matt. 1:18-21).

It is clear from this Gospel narrative that for a virgin to conceive

and become a mother is something so extraordinary that an angel of God

had to come to St. Joseph to make him believe it. He knew that if a

wife permits another man who is not her husband to embrace her just as

if he were her husband, she commits the sin that is called adultery.

And as he was sure that Mary was too holy to have committed the

slightest sin, he was at a loss how to explain her motherhood, until

the angel brought him the happy tidings that she had become the Mother

of the Redeemer through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Having mentioned the sin adultery, it will be useful to add here a

little further explanation. You know from your catechism that adultery

is a sin against the sixth commandment, or a sin of impurity; and it

may seem odd to you that what is entirely lawful when done by a husband

with his wife, is a sin of impurity if done by the same husband with a

woman who is not his wife. I have already told you why such a thing is

sinful if done by unmarried persons, namely because the Sacrament of

Matrimony gives certain rights that the unmarried do not have. But even

married people have these rights only in regard to their partners in

marriage and not in regard to other married persons. They even give a

solemn pledge to each other when they marry, not to share those rights

with any other person; hence the husband or wife who violates that

pledge is said to be unfaithful. It is easy to understand the wisdom of

these natural laws; for since it is the duty of the father to provide

for his own child, if his wife would consent to the marital embrace of

some other man, she would not know which man was the father of her

child.

And now, son, I must warn you against making a dangerous mistake. You

might suppose, because adultery is the sin of a married person, that

the sixth commandment is only for the married, and that unmarried

persons cannot sin against the sixth commandment. That would be a grave

mistake. You must know that there are two kinds of chastity; virginal

chastity or the chastity of the unmarried; and conjugal chastity or the

chastity of the married; and a sin against either kind of chastity is

called a sin of impurity. Certain kisses and embraces that are

permitted to husband and wife would be sins of impurity if done by

others. Yet there are certain other actions that are never permitted to

anybody and are always sins of impurity, whether done by a married

person or by a single person, whether alone or with another. And the

sixth commandment forbids not only adultery, but every kind of

impurity.

How I wish you would never need to know anything about this vice! But

if you are to be kept from falling into the treacherous quicksand of

impurity, you must be told where it is, or at least where you may

remain and be sure that you are safe. For this reason, in the following

instructions, I shall give you the explanations and warnings that will

be useful to you both at the present time and in the future for the

preservation of the necessary and beautiful virtue of holy purity. But

as you cannot begin the work of defense too soon, let me here give you

a few general directions what to do and what to avoid in order to

preserve and foster this virtue.

1. Avoid the occasions of sin. The Holy Ghost says that he that loveth

danger will perish in it. In particular, avoid bad companions (such,

for example, as use dirty language), sensational magazines, books and

papers; indecent and suggestive pictures, games, dances and other

amusements, and all but Class A, No. 1 movies.

2. Develop your will power, which you will need to resist temptation,

by avoiding idleness and softness. Keep yourself usefully occupied

either with work or wholesome recreation, especially outdoors; accustom

yourself to hard work, to disagreeable tasks, and to the inclemency of

the weather.

3. Do not be choicy about your food. Acquire the habit of eating of any

kind of wholesome food, but be moderate always, especially in the use

of sweets and spices. As to intoxicants, use them rarely and sparingly;

or better still, abstain from them altogether, at least until you are

21 years old.

4. Use the supernatural means of grace, without which no virtue can

long endure. Say your morning and evening prayers regularly and

devoutly; cultivate a special devotion to the Blessed Virgin and say

three Hail Marys for purity every morning and evening. Go to Holy

Communion every Sunday and at least once a week on a weekday; to

Confession every two weeks; and seek your confessor's instruction and

advice in all doubts and temptations.

PART TWO

(To be read to boys of from 14 to 16 years)

Listen, son.

Now that you have reached the age that usually marks the beginning of

the change from boyhood to mankind, I think it is about time for me to

give you a little talk about this business of growing up. It is a real

business, you must know, as you do not change from a boy into a man all

at once just over night as it were. This growing-up process is spread

out over a number of years so as to give a boy time to adjust himself

properly to his new responsibilities and privileges and to learn to

look at life with the eyes of a serious-minded man and not those of a

thoughtless boy.

What I am most concerned about is that you do not grow up faster

outwardly than you do inwardly: that is, that your body does not

develop more rapidly than your soul--than your mind and your will. As

the boy Jesus grew in wisdom and age and grace with God and man, so you

also should grow and daily become stronger, not merely by increasing

the size and strength of your muscles, but also by increasing your

store of knowledge and, above all, the strength of your will. A boy has

a strong will or great will power when he can easily do things he does

not like to do; for example, study his lessons and do his home work

when he would like to be outdoors playing; or go to bed and get up

promptly at the time his mother wants him to. Boys like to show how

strong they are; how much they can lift, how far they can swim or bat a

ball; but what really makes a boy manly is that strength of will that

enables him to obey his parents readily, control his temper, and at all

times be complete master of himself. When a boy has such a will, a will

that chooses to do what is right even when it is hard, and refuses to

do what is wrong even though most other boys do it, we say that he is a

boy of character. He is not a reed shaken by every wind; that is, he is

not swayed by his feelings or whims or by what other boys say or think,

but only by a sense of duty.

Now is the time for you to begin in earnest to make use of the

knowledge you acquired long ago in school. You learned that man is made

up of body and soul. That means that there are in us two opposing

forces, one material, one spiritual. As St. Paul says, "The flesh

lusteth against the spirit, and the spirit against the flesh" (Gal.

5:17). The soul, being a spirit, values and strives for what is

spiritual. Only the soul, for example, can know that God created us for

Heaven; and hence only the soul tries to get to Heaven by keeping God's

commandments. The body being an animal, with the instincts and cravings

of an animal, naturally craves the things that are pleasant to the

bodily senses. If you blindly give in to these cravings, e.g., to the

appetite for food or the craving for drink, you will eat and drink more

than is good for either body or soul. That is why it is necessary that

all our bodily cravings be kept under the control of the will guided by

the mind or reason; and that is why we call these bodily cravings our

lower self, and our soul with its faculties and desires our higher

self. To indulge in the pleasures of the body to excess or merely for

their own sake, is beneath the dignity of a human being. He may seek

and enjoy them only in so far as they serve the purpose for which God

has given them; namely, as a means of attaining our eternal destiny.

From this you can see how important it is for a boy to have a strong

character, so that he can keep his lower nature under control and not

let his temper or laziness or love of pleasure get control of him. The

time when a boy is in the greatest danger of becoming a slave of his

lower self is the time of youth or adolescence, that is, the years from

around 14 to about 21. One reason why this period of life is so

dangerous is that during these years a new appetite or craving makes

itself felt that was not felt before. The first stirring of this new

appetite marks the beginning of young manhood or what is called the age

of puberty, the age at which a boy comes to the full development of his

bodily functions or activities. This appetite is called the sexual

appetite. In itself it is not bad, but in consequence of original sin

it is very often the chief trouble-maker in the fight a young man must

make during the years of his growing up. In other words, it is the

enemy within the gates that must be kept in chains if a young man

wishes to defend the citadel of purity against the assaults of the

devil and of the world. It was no doubt to this fight that St. Paul

referred when he wrote: "I see another law in my members fighting

against the law of my mind" (Rom. 7:22).

From what you learned in religion class, you know that the virtue of

purity requires one to avoid certain looks and touches on oneself and

on others: which means that purity requires one to show proper

reverence for one's own body as well as for the bodies of others. From

the fact that sinful looks at oneself or others and sinful touches or

exposure of the body are commonly called immodest looks, touches and

exposure, many people think that certain parts of the body must be

immodest. Such a conclusion is just as false as the conclusion that

wine must be something evil because it can be instrumental in causing

the evil of drunkenness. It is not the wine that is evil, but the

immoderate use of it; and so, too, no parts of the body are immodest

but only the abuse of them.

God created the human body to be a temple of the Holy Ghost; and when

our souls are in the state of sanctifying grace, God actually resides

in us as in a consecrated temple. And as our soul is in every part of

our body, every part of our body belongs to this temple; God dwells in

every part of it; every part is sacred and holy and deserving of our

reverence. This is true also of those parts which purity requires you

to keep hidden, and which for that reason are called the private parts.

They are the parts that are different in men and women, and in fact the

parts that determine the sex of a human being, making one either a man

or a woman, a boy or a girl. Even these parts, I say, are perfectly

pure and sacred and deserving of reverence. In Latin they are even

called "the parts to be reverenced."

It will be well to recall here what the Bible says on this subject in

the story of the creation and fall of our First Parents. It says that

God made them male and female, and that they were both naked but were

not ashamed. Why were they not ashamed? Because, besides the

supernatural gifts of the soul, such as sanctifying grace, God gave

them also supernatural gifts of the body, one of which was the

immortality of the body, and another, the gift of integrity or original

innocence, by which their lower nature was made subject to their higher

nature. Without this gift of integrity Adam and Eve would have had a

nature at constant war with itself, the lower nature seeking to satisfy

its appetites, and the higher striving to maintain its mastery over the

lower.

To prevent this struggle between the higher and the lower part of human

nature, God in His infinite goodness gave our First Parents, right from

the start, a human nature improved by the addition of the gift of

integrity. This gift of integrity put the lower animal part of man, so

to speak, definitely in its place by subjecting it completely to the

control of the will and the reason. Without that gift Adam and Eve

would sometimes have felt inclined to overeat and drink, to be angry or

lazy or revengeful and the like; but through that gift their animal

nature was made as obedient and submissive to the will as a trained

animal that promptly obeys every command of its master.

Like sanctifying grace this gift of integrity was given to Adam

conditionally; that is, for only so long as he would keep God's

commandment not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good

and evil. As soon, therefore, as Adam disobeyed by eating the forbidden

fruit, both he and Eve lost the gift of integrity; and the immediate

result was that their animal passions, which before had been as peace-

ful as tame animals, now became like wild animals that can be

controlled only by being kept in cages or in chains. The Bible clearly

indicates these consequences by stating that their eyes were opened and

they saw that they were naked. This does not mean that they had been

blind before, but merely that the eyes of their mind were opened; and

feeling in their bodies the rebellion of the flesh against the spirit,

they were deeply humiliated; and sewing together fig leaves, they made

themselves aprons to hide their nakedness. Yes, they were so ashamed

that when they heard the voice of God walking in the garden, they hid

themselves amid the trees.

This Bible account of the fall of our First Parents makes clear why all

people who have the normal use of reason have a sense of shame. Shame

is the natural result of the rebellion of the flesh against the spirit.

And as we have inherited Adam's nature corrupted by sin, we too, are

subject to the rebellion of the flesh. And since the sight of the naked

body makes one aware of the humiliating fact that our soul no longer

has complete control over our animal appetites, there rises a natural

desire to hide one's rebellious flesh and a feeling of shame if it is

exposed to the view of others. Not merely the inclemency of the

weather, therefore, but original sin, or Adam's fall from the state of

innocence, was the chief reason why it became necessary for people to

wear clothing.

The virtue that regulates man's conduct in regard to the feeling of

shame is the virtue of modesty. That is why the conduct of those who

give little heed to this instinct of shame is called immodest; and

those who disregard it entirely are called shameless. On the other

hand, an exaggerated or merely pretended regard for the dictates of

modesty is called prudery. Ordinarily in the presence of others,

modesty requires that the body be kept covered with the exception of

the head and neck, the forearms, and the hands and feet; these parts

being the more dignified parts of the body. The upper arms, the legs

(especially from the knees up), the back and chest and lower areas are

called by Catholic moralists the less seemly parts, which ought not to

be exposed except for a good reason.

If the observance of modesty is necessary in general in the presence of

others, it is above all necessary in all circumstances and situations

in which persons of different sex meet and have dealings with one

another. This brings us back to the sexual appetite, of which I said

before that it is the chief trouble-maker during the time of your

growing up. But as there will be a good deal to say on this subject, I

will come back to it in a later instruction, and only add here a

reminder to be sure to make regular use of the means of preserving

purity that I recommended to you in the last instruction.

INSTRUCTION VII

Listen, son.

If we study the works of God, we see how wisely He has adapted

everything to suit its purpose and to attain its end. Thus, to induce

us to take the proper amount of food, God gave us an appetite; and to

insure the propagation of the human race, He implanted in persons of

one sex a natural attraction towards persons of the opposite sex, so

that they would be led to seek a mate and enter the state of matrimony.

As the purpose of this mutual attraction between men and women is to

lead to marriage, it does not normally make itself felt until boys and

girls are of marriageable age. Before they reach the age of maturity,

boys do not as a rule care for the company of girls. They prefer to

play with boys, and they have a feeling that girls are rather silly and

a sort of nuisance. Later on, however, they begin to have a liking and

even a preference for girls; and they feel a very decided inclination

to find a girl to be their own special friend, or their girl friend, as

they call her.

You need not be surprised, then, son, when you notice that your feeling

towards girls begins to change; that you feel attracted towards them

and enjoy being in their company. That is perfectly normal and to be

expected. Yet, though this sex attraction or sex appeal, as it is also

called, exists in all normal men and women, it is not so strong that it

cannot be resisted or also counterbalanced by other attractions; and

hence we find that many men and women prefer to remain single instead

of getting married. Some, like bachelors and bachelor girls, remain

single because they prefer the greater freedom and lesser

responsibility of the single state, or because they want to devote

themselves with greater zeal to their chosen profession. Some, too, do

not seem to find a partner to suit them. Very many others, however,

such as Priests, Sisters, and religious Brothers, remain single in

order to be able to give themselves entirely to God and to obtain the

higher reward promised by Our Lord to those who embrace the state of

virginity out of love for Him. The priesthood and the religious state

are the two most sublime states to which people can aspire, and all

boys and girls who have the necessary physical, mental and moral

qualifications for one of these states should deliberate seriously

before choosing any other.

But all young folks, even those who have definitely made up their mind

that they will marry some day, should take care to hold their

affections in check and guard their hearts from falling in love too

soon, that is, before they are experienced enough to assume the burden

of rearing and supporting a family and of fulfilling all the other

duties of the married state.

A point of special importance for you to know is that this sex appeal

produces a stronger reaction in boys than girls. God purposely made men

more easily influenced by the attraction of the opposite sex so that

they would be moved by it to seek a partner in marriage. That is the

reason why a man's passions are more easily aroused than a woman's, and

also why the man courts the woman and not the woman the man. On the

other hand, God gave women an inborn desire to be sought and loved by

men, but at the same time a stronger sense of modesty for their own

protection. To men God gave a strong sense of chivalry or knightly

honor to induce them to use their greater physical strength and skill

to protect women from the attacks and improper advances of wicked men,

as well as to enable them to control their own sexual desires.

These facts indicate the natural attitude that all men and women should

take towards each other. Just as the quality of modesty and reserve

towards men is an ornament in a woman, so is a manly and protective

attitude towards women a commendable and desirable trait in a man.

Right from the beginning of your young manhood strive to cultivate this

knightly attitude towards all girls and women with whom you have any

dealings. This does not mean that you should be a lady's man--one that

fawns upon women and flutters about them with dandified attentions.

That would not be manly but ridiculous. It does mean, though, that you

should not act on the belief, which so many act upon in our day, that

girls should be bold, self-assertive and mannish in their conduct,

speech and attire, and that in consequence men should treat them as on

the same footing as themselves and not show them any special deference

and consideration. The thought that you should habitually keep in mind

in your association with girls and women is this: that women belong to

the sex to which the Blessed Virgin belongs; and you should respect and

esteem all women on account of the qualities with which God has endowed

their sex and which find in Mary their most perfect exemplification. In

other words, see in every woman an image of Mary; and as you revere a

picture of Mary even if it be soiled and torn, so honor Mary by your

respectful conduct towards all women; and in all your relations with

them refrain from everything that a good woman would resent.

Never for a moment entertain the thought that the more men and women

resemble each other, the better it will be for society. If God had

wanted men and women to be alike in temperament, disposition and

manners, He would not have made them different. But having decided to

create two mutually complementary sexes, each with its own special

functions in society, He gave to each those natural aptitudes and

characteristics that fit them for the proper performance of their

respective work in life. For either men or women to disregard this

fundamental difference and to repress or stunt the peculiarities of

their own sex by striving to acquire qualities peculiar to the opposite

sex, is to go against nature and to make monstrosities of themselves.

Don't select your friends, whether boys or girls, from people of that

type.

I must now speak to you about several other phenomena of the period of

adolescence which will make their appearance sooner or later. These are

of a physical nature and mark the turning point in the development of a

boy into a man. One of these is the breaking of the voice or its change

from a childish treble to a low masculine pitch. Another is the growth

of hair in the armpits and around the sexual organs. More important

than either of these two phenomena is the development of a new

substance inside the sexual organs. This is a whitish, thickish fluid

very similar to certain creamy hand lotions, and it contains substances

of great importance for a boy's development into a strong and healthy

man.

Since God has constructed our body in such a way that the substances

needed in it are usually produced in greater quantity than necessary, a

portion of this fluid that is not absorbed into the system is

discharged through the sexual member at irregular intervals. This

usually occurs in sleep, being occasioned by an exciting dream; and the

discharge is accompanied by a pleasurable pulsating movement in the

sexual organ. Though this is a natural and normal phenomenon, which

happens to all boys and men from the time of adolescence until old age,

it is unlawful to give in to and enjoy the pleasant feelings that

accompany it. To do so with full knowledge and full consent would be a

grievous sin.

As boys do not all develop at the same rate, you cannot know just when

you will reach this stage of maturity. It may be when you are 14, and

it may not be till you are 16 or even older; and since it occurs in

sleep, it might happen without your being aware of it. When it does

happen for the first time and you wake up and notice it, turn away at

once from the pleasure of it with all your will power as from an

enticing temptation: and to strengthen your will, keep repeating some

short prayer like "My Jesus, mercy" or "Mary, help me; keep me pure!"

If you keep on praying and hold back with your will until the feelings

subside, you will not be guilty of sin, no matter how strong or

pleasant the feeling may be. Hence you do not have to confess it. If

you are in doubt whether you gave some consent or failed to resist

completely, just make an act of contrition and you may go to Communion.

At your next Confession, if you wish, you can confess it as a doubtful

matter.

That it is possible to have those pleasant feelings without taking

willful pleasure in them will be clear to you from the following

examples. Suppose some candy had been poisoned for some reason or

other, and that by mistake you would start to eat it. As soon as you

would hear the warning cry, "Don't eat that candy, it's poisoned!" you

would spit it out and try to get every bit of it out of your mouth. But

the candy would taste sweet just the same, even though you were doing

all in your power to get rid of it. And so, too, it is with those

feelings; they will feel pleasant even though you resist them. In fact,

that is true of every temptation. It is a bait to entice one; and if

there were nothing enticing about it, it would not be a temptation.

When the feelings have died away (they last only a few seconds), you

may ask God's forgiveness if you think you may have failed in any way,

and then turn around and go to sleep. There is no necessity of your

leaving your bed to wash yourself, though you may do so; but always,

when you bathe, be sure to wash those parts and that entire region

thoroughly yet modestly in the same matter-of-fact way that you wash

your face and hands. Your body being a temple of the Holy Ghost, not

only due regard for health and cleanliness, but also proper reverence

for God's temple, requires that you try to keep it sweet and clean.

Whenever the temperature of the room permits, cold water is recommended

for washing the parts mentioned: as, indeed, a cold bath in general has

a hardening and invigorating effect. Keeping the sexual organs clean is

the chief means of preventing itching in those parts. Should you

nevertheless be troubled with itching, you should know that there is

nothing wrong in touching yourself merely to stop an ordinary itching.

Whatever touches are necessary for the sake of health, cleanliness and

the like may be made with hesitation. Beyond that, the more strictly

you observe the rule "Hands-off," the better it will be for you. And,

of course, common decency, not to speak of the danger of giving

scandal, requires one to avoid all such touches in the presence of

others. If there should be a persistent habitual itching at the tip of

the sexual member, just let your father know and he can have you see a

reliable doctor.

Now don't forget that these matters are not to be talked about with any

of your companions. Though it is perfectly proper for you to hear them

explained by those who nave the duty to instruct you and to warn you

against moral dangers, it would be wrong to listen to persons

discussing them who have no business doing so, and who have neither the

necessary knowledge, prudence, nor tact to speak of them in a becoming

manner. So if the talk ever veers in that direction, if you cannot

prevent it, unceremoniously walk away.

INSTRUCTION VIII

In this talk, son, I want to give you some more necessary information

about the virtue of purity. As I told you in a former instruction,

there is nothing immodest about the private parts of the body

themselves, because they are a part of the body that was created to be

a temple of the Holy Ghost. Only the abuse of these parts is immodest

and sinful. But, you might ask, if these parts are not immodest, why

must we cover them? Why all this secrecy about them? Because the

exposure of these parts is likely to excite the sexual appetite, which

may be lawfully gratified only in the holy state of matrimony. It is

these two revealed truths--the sacredness of the body as the temple of

the Holy Ghost, and the concupiscence or lust of the flesh, resulting

from the sin of Adam, which constitute the twofold and ever existing

reason for the necessity of practicing modesty.

Although there is nothing immodest or immoral about the sexual organs,

it would be false to maintain that there is nothing wrong with sex; and

that the idea that sex is, something not quite nice is an insult to the

beauty of God's creation. In comparison with the state of human nature

as God originally created it, there is very decidedly something wrong

with sex; and that something is the concupiscence of the flesh. Because

of the loss of the gift of integrity and the resulting rebelliousness

of man's lower appetites, the sex appetite no longer exists in man as

God created it, but is aroused by the mere sight of the things it

craves. Hence just as our appetite for food is aroused by the sight of

something good to eat and we say it makes our mouth water; so the sex

appetite is aroused by merely seeing or otherwise perceiving the object

of its desire; and the more anyone's form or person is exposed, the

more likely will it arouse the passions of those who view it,

especially if they are of the opposite sex. And though this is true

chiefly of real persons, it is true also of wholly or partially nude

pictures and statues. This explains why it is so important for both men

and women to wear modest bathing suits, above all, when men and women

bathe at the same place. And it explains also why it is dangerous to

allow one's gaze to linger on indecent pictures and statues.

The fact that very many or even most people show little regard for

modesty in our day only proves how pagan they have become in their

views and habits. Not every kind of exposure, of course, is necessarily

sinful; but Catholic boys should understand that the practice of going

about or playing certain games stripped to the waist or in very abbre-

viated trunks is not in conformity with the requirements of Christian

modesty. Surely there is nothing dignified about such scanty attire;

but the temple of the Holy Ghost should be attired in a dignified

manner. Though custom may somewhat lessen the evil effects, there can

be no doubt that the reckless exposure of the body in certain sports

and recreations, on the beach, on stage and screen, and in social

circles, is the occasion of very many sins against holy purity. And

though some people have no evil intentions in following these pagan

fashions, they cannot evade all responsibility for being the occasion

of sin to others. Others, however foster and encourage as much exposure

of the body as possible, because they want to excite their passions and

indulge in unlawful sexual pleasure.

But is there such a thing as lawful sexual pleasure--sexual pleasure

that a person may deliberately enjoy without committing sin? Yes, there

is; but only for persons who are lawfully united in the married state.

I have explained to you that, if married people wish to have a child,

the husband must give the wife the marital embrace. It is in connection

with this embrace, and only then, and only when this embrace is

performed in a way to fulfill God's designs in regard to the married

state, that the pleasant sensations in the sexual organs may be

indulged in without sin. Hence, for an unmarried person to enjoy those

feelings, with full knowledge and full consent of the will, is always a

mortal sin; not because there is anything impure or shameful in the

pleasure itself, but because it is shameful and impure to consent to it

and enjoy it against the will of God when one has absolutely no right

to it.

There is nothing at all strange about this distinction because we make

similar distinctions in regard to the lawfulness of other pleasures.

Thus you may enjoy a chicken dinner on a Thursday, but are forbidden

under mortal sin to do so on a Friday. And though you may take a full

breakfast when you get up in the morning, you may not do so if you wish

to receive Holy Communion that morning. We also make a distinction

between the moderate and the immoderate enjoyment of food and drink. To

eat and drink moderately for the purpose for which God intended us to

eat and drink, is something good. To eat or drink immoderately or to

excess is a sin.

Now just as the pleasures of eating and drinking may be lawfully

enjoyed only when food and drink are taken in such a way as to achieve

the purpose for which God intended them, so also the pleasures of sex

may be lawfully enjoyed only when employed in a way to achieve the pur-

poses for which God intended them; namely, the purpose of the married

state, the chief one of which is to increase the number of people on

earth and the number of saints in Heaven. God's wisdom in attaching

pleasure to certain functions, but allowing them only under certain

conditions, can be easily seen. How many people would eat and drink

enough to preserve their health and strength, if food and drink were

not pleasant to the taste? Now as God made food tasty and gave us a

great variety of it so that we would not grow tired of always having

the same kind, and also gave us an appetite to enable us to enjoy our

food, so He also attached a special pleasure to the act by which

children are brought into existence, so that men and women would be

induced to marry and have children. But if people could lawfully

indulge in that pleasure without getting married, or without assuming

the burden of having children, comparatively few children would be

born, and many of those that would be born to an unmarried girl would

be deprived of the support and care of a loving father.

Few people in our day, at least among Christians, will deny that

gluttony and drunkenness are shameful vices; and they condemn the

practice of those pagans of old who, after stuffing themselves with

costly foods and wines, would cause themselves to vomit so that they

could eat and drink some more. But impurity is even more shameful than

gluttony and drunkenness. The glutton and the drunkard have a perfect

right to at least some of the pleasures of eating and drinking, even of

drinking alcoholic beverages. They sin only because they go to excess.

And married persons have a right to the sexual pleasure that belongs to

the proper exercise of the duties and privileges of their state. But an

unmarried person has no right whatever to enjoy even the slightest

sexual pleasure; and if he indulges in it nevertheless, he usurps an

exclusive right of the married state, just as truly as a layman would

usurp an exclusive right of the priesthood, if he went into a

confessional and heard Confessions, or went to the altar and

distributed Holy Communion.

This being true, sexual pleasure must remain a closed book to you as

long as you are not married; and the only safe and sensible thing for

you to do in the meantime is to put all thought and curiosity about it

as far as possible out of your mind. You know what terrible

consequences followed from Eve's curiosity about the forbidden fruit.

So be careful not to make a similar blunder. So long as you are not

married, sexual pleasure is for you forbidden fruit. You can be quite

sure that, just as the devil came to Eve to seduce her by saying, "No,

you shall not die; your eyes shall be opened and you shall be like

gods," so he will also come to you to excite your curiosity and arouse

the desire for that forbidden fruit. He may even make use of some

wicked persons to entice you to sin. But at the first sign of such a

temptation, take flight at once and escape his trap by saying: "No, No!

That is forbidden fruit! I don't want my eyes opened. Jesus and Mary,

help me that I may not do this wicked thing and sin against my God."

A lot of people come to grief, son, because they refuse to heed

warnings. Boys especially often think it smart to expose themselves to

danger. But it doesn't pay to try to be smart when one's life or soul

is at stake. So take my warning and do not think, because you do not

see any harm in it, that there can be no harm in touching yourself

unnecessarily. You do not act that way in regard to physical dangers.

Even though you may not understand what harm there can be in handling

dynamite or such an innocent looking thing as nitroglycerine, you heed

the warning of others and do not fool with them. Yet, believe me, son,

the harm that you might do to your body by fooling with high explosives

is nothing compared with the moral damage that might result to your

soul from meddling with the private parts of your body. Therefore,

whenever you are engaged in the care of your body, as when bathing,

dressing or undressing, bear in mind that your body is a temple of the

Holy Ghost and treat it with the reverence that a consecrated temple

deserves. Remember, too, that your Guardian Angel sees everything you

do, and ask him to guard you from ever doing anything contrary to holy

purity; for your own efforts will avail you little if you do not

implore the grace of God.

It is possible that you may have done something in the past that you

now suspect or realize to have been contrary to purity. As long as you

did not think it was a mortal sin when you did it, God will not hold

you responsible for a mortal sin and you are not obliged to confess it.

On the other hand, if you should ever have done anything that you

thought was a mortal sin but which from shame you did not confess; or

if you should ever do so in the future, by all means make a clean

breast of it in your next Confession. You needn't be afraid of the

priest or think he won't like you anymore. He takes the place of the

Good Shepherd who rejoices when a lost sheep comes back to the fold;

and he will admire your humility and sincerity and do all that he can

to help you. It is very true that mortal sin is an awful thing and

something to be ashamed of, because it causes the death of the soul.

But for that very reason one should try to get rid of it as soon as

possible by an act of contrition and a good Confession.

PLEASE NOTE:

In the following instructions the parents should nowhere declare or

imply that all unescorted company keeping among teenagers is sin either

in itself or because it is in all cases bound up with the immediate

danger of sexual sin.

What is said here is put as it is to jog the parent awake to the

dangers involved, and make it his aim to win the boy's willing

cooperation toward avoiding all dangers rather than running any risks.

PART THREE

(To be read to boys of from 16 to 19 years)

INSTRUCTION IX

My dear son,

It is quite a long time since I read to you the first one of these

instructions, and during that time you have been constantly developing

both mentally and physically, and I am sure also spiritually. Though

you have now crossed the borderline between boyhood and young manhood,

it is important for you to realize that you are still a comparatively

very young and inexperienced young man. The term young man, you know,

takes in not only all boys past fourteen, but also all unmarried men up

to thirty; and since there is a vast difference between a boy of

sixteen or seventeen and one of twenty-one or twenty-five, it follows

naturally that there should also be a difference between the privileges

accorded to young men of different ages and circumstances. Not only the

time of boyhood but also the whole time of youth is a time of

preparation for mature manhood; and as this preparation extends over a

number of years, it would be folly to give a boy in his early teens the

same freedom that may be granted to a young man of twenty-one or over.

The younger boy is not yet prepared for so much freedom. He is not

aware of, and above all, he does not realize the dangers of such

freedom; and in consequence it is not likely that he will make the

right we of it.

That is why Almighty God has imposed on parents the solemn duty of

guiding and guarding their children most carefully, especially during

the years of adolescence. It would be much easier for parents to let

their children do as they please; just as it would be much easier for a

pastor or confessor to let his parishioners or penitents do as they

please, and not to be continually warning them against dangers and

urging them to practice virtue. But just as a pastor is responsible for

his people, so are parents responsible for their children; and they

will have to render a strict account to God, if through their lack of

watchfulness and their easy-going yielding to their children's desires,

they are the cause that their children suffer harm.

You see, son, there are still many dangers to the welfare of your body

as well as of your soul of which you are unaware. And even if you have

perhaps been told of them, you have at least never experienced them;

and hence you cannot realize how great the dangers are, but must take

the word of your parents and spiritual advisers and avoid those things

which they assure you may prove harmful to you.

I have given you an instruction on the chief one of these dangers;

viz., that which results from the so-called sex appeal or sex

attraction. You will recall that God put this mutual attraction in men

and women so that persons of one sex would be attracted to persons of

the opposite sex and thus be led to contract marriage at the proper

time. God did not give this attraction merely that men and women might

enjoy each other's company. No; He gave it to lead up to marriage; and,

therefore, if a man or a woman has absolutely no intention or

possibility of ever getting married, he or she does wrong to run the

risk of arousing a passionate love for one of the other sex and thus

becoming exposed to the proximate occasion of sin.

And this risk of becoming exposed to grave danger of sin is incurred

not only by those who never intend to or cannot marry (e.g., priests,

Sisters, lay persons hindered by a vow or some nullifying impediment),

but also by those who do not intend to or cannot marry within a

reasonable period of time. And the reason is this: Since sex attraction

is intended to lead to marriage and after marriage to the marital

embrace, if a boy is several years too young to marry and nevertheless

begins to associate with individual girls, he runs great risk of

falling prematurely in love and of then being led by his passionate

attachment to take improper liberties (often called "petting" or

"necking") or even to giving a girl the marital embrace. If he does the

latter with the girl's consent, they both commit the grave sin of

fornication; if he does it by force against her will, he is guilty of a

penitentiary offense called rape.

It should not be hard for any boy who has had a Catholic education to

understand that such actions between unmarried persons are not at all

manifestations of true love, which seeks to promote another's true

welfare. They are rather the result of yielding to the physical urge of

sex appeal, or, to state it bluntly, to the passion of lust. Yet never

imagine that you are too much of a gentleman or too well grounded in

virtue to stoop so low as to do anything of the kind. In consequence of

original sin, the concupiscence of the flesh or the animal in man is so

strong that, if one carelessly exposes oneself to the danger of

arousing it, it can easily brush aside all considerations of honor and

self-respect and the weak promptings of virtue in order to gratify its

eager de sires. That is why all spiritual writers warn us that the only

way to preserve purity is to avoid the danger, and if we come upon it

unawares, to take flight.

So do not deceive yourself by supposing that you are strong enough to

resist any temptation. The Holy Ghost tells us: "He that loveth danger

shall perish in it" (Ecclu. 3:27). And in particular beware of

supposing that you will be in no danger if you are in the company of a

perfectly innocent and virtuous girl. Eve was perfectly innocent and

virtuous, too, before she rashly exposed herself to danger. The very

innocence of a girl may be the occasion of her and your undoing. Sins

of the flesh are far from the thoughts of an innocent and normally good

girl; but she desires to be loved; and in her innocence she does not

realize that the tender tokens of affection she seeks--terms of

endearment, caresses and the like--are likely to stir up quite

different emotions in her more animal male companion. In consequence,

she may permit caresses which, while not arousing herself, may strongly

inflame the boy's passion. And when the vehemence of the boy's desire

leads him to overstep the bounds of decency, the girl's loving nature

is only too likely to give in and surrender the precious treasure of

her purity for the vain satisfaction of being loved.

But even if in some exceptional case there were no danger that a

certain boy would sin with a certain girl, he should nevertheless avoid

early company-keeping in order to be able to concentrate his attention

more successfully on the important duties and tasks of the time of

youth. That is one reason, among more fundamental ones, why the Church

does not approve of the system of co-education. Young people have

enough to do to keep their minds fixed on their books and on acquiring

the knowledge and good habits they will need later on, without having

their attention divided and weakened by interest in the opposite sex.

Just because sex attraction is so strong and, in the time of youth, has

the added charm of novelty, if you yield to interest in girls, and to

certain girls in particular, while you are still in high school, you

can easily become so absorbed in them as to be seriously handicapped in

the performance of your duties. And then if you find a girl, as you

most probably will, who is specially interested in you, your still weak

little head will be so turned that you won't want to listen any more to

your parents and teachers, foolishly thinking that, because a girl is

interested in you, you are sitting on top of the world and don't need

to take advice from anybody.

This may sound absurd and ridiculous to you now, because your judgment

is still unbiased by interest in girls. So in order to keep your head

clear, let your interest still be directed chiefly towards school, home

and church affairs, your sports and boy friends; and until you are old

enough to think of marrying, let your contacts with girls be only

casual and of passing interest.

Even when you will be old enough to seek a partner for marriage,

keeping company will be full of dangers. But if you take proper

precautions and have constant recourse to prayer and the sacraments,

you can confidently count on God's help and protection. That is by no

means the case, however, when boys and girls who are far too young to

marry, rashly expose themselves to these dangers merely in order to

have a good time. And in their case the dangers are the harder to

overcome on account of the weak condition of their undeveloped

characters.

I know quite well that there are Catholic writers who assume that it is

perfectly all right for boys to make a practice of having "dates" and

going around alone with a girl even in their early teens. The only

thing they object to is having a "steady," that is, going regularly

with the same girl. They try to justify their stand by saying that the

world has not stood still, and that boys and girls today are wiser than

their parents were in their youthful days; that nowadays boys are

facing manhood at fifteen, and that, if parents only instruct them

betimes on sex matters, teach them to pray, to receive the sacraments

often. and to remember their dignity as members of the Mystical Body of

Christ, all will be well and there will be nothing to fear.

Certainly the precautions just mentioned are to be employed by all

means; but besides being warned and armed against danger, young folks

must also avoid unnecessary occasions of danger. The practice of

holding hands, kissing, and taking other liberties is so universal

among boys and girls who have dates in these pagan times, that there is

every reason to fear that Catholic boys will follow the same custom if

they have individual dates with girls. I say, therefore, that if you

are too young to go steadily with the same girl, you are too young to

be going with girls at all; that is as the escort of an individual

girl.

Yes, son, the world has not stood still, but human nature has; and the

consequences of original sin are still to be reckoned with. It is

greatly to be feared that those Catholics who rely so much on knowledge

as a means of overcoming temptations are unconsciously influenced by

that naturalism which Pope Pius XI condemned in his encyclical "The

Christian Education of Youth."

INSTRUCTION X

Listen, son.

When I warned you against the danger of too early association with

girls, I realized quite well that the thought would come to you:

"Nearly all the highschool boys I know are going with girls. Are they,

then, all doing wrong?" They may not all have fallen into the sins to

which they are exposing themselves, and charity requires us not to

think evil of them; yet it is nevertheless true, even though they may

not know it, that they are doing wrong to expose themselves to such

dangers; and experience proves only too often that ignorance does not

shield them from the sad consequences of exposing themselves to those

occasions of sin. Impress this truth indelibly on your mind, son, and

think of it whenever you are asked to follow the crowd: The fact that

something is being done by the majority of people does not make it

right. You sometimes hear or read the saying: "A million people cannot

be wrong." A million people can be wrong. At the time of the deluge,

the whole world, except Noe and his family, was wrong; and at the

present time, more than a billion people have wrong ideas and habits in

regard to religion and morality. So if we would want to regulate our

conduct by what the majority of people are doing, there would soon be

few religious or virtuous people left in the world.

Just consider our own country. We used to call this a Christian

country; but if this ever was true, it certainly is not true today.

About half the people of the United States do not belong to any church

at all; many do not even believe that there is a God; and among those

who call themselves Christians there are many who do not believe that

Jesus Christ is God. So since a great many Americans are practically

pagans; since they do not accept the teachings of the Church regarding

purity and the sacredness of the marriage contract; and since they know

nothing about the priceless treasure of sanctifying grace and the

terrible evil of losing it, is it surprising that they do things that

are dangerous to the welfare of their souls, and make nothing of sins

which a Catholic knows to be mortal?

If you knew nothing of the value of sanctifying grace and did not

believe there was a hell, would you hesitate to commit a mortal sin

that would give you a lot of pleasure and not expose you to any

undesirable consequences? Well, there are millions of your fellow

Americans who know nothing of sanctifying grace and do not believe in

hell; and do you think their way of life can be a safe guide for you to

follow? Yet it is just the conduct of such pagans and downright

atheists that has gradually come to constitute the standard of morality

of a vast number of our countrymen.

And when Catholics go to see movies and plays, and read papers, books

and magazines that reflect this low moral standard, they, too, become

contaminated by these false principles of morality. They gradually come

to think that what so many people are doing cannot be so bad; and since

we are all more prone to evil than to good, they are only too apt to

persuade themselves that the Church is too strict, and that certain

practices are not as bad as she says they are. And so it happens that,

although they learned at school that they must avoid dangerous

occasions of sin, many Catholics try to quiet their conscience by

saying that certain indecent shows, improper dances, immodest styles

and dangerous intimacies between boys and girls may be indulged in

because "everybody is doing it."

I know very well that many boys, if told that they are too young to

have girl friends, would say: "Heck! Can't a fellow have any fun at

all?" These old fogies want to take all the joy out of life." But such

a complaint would be both foolish and unjust. Are boys so helpless that

they cannot have any fun without girls? Any real boy would be ashamed

to admit that. Why, even men have perfectly respectable and enjoyable

social gatherings called "stag parties," at which no women are present.

And as to the complaint that parents, priests and others, who object to

boys and girls keeping company at an early age, want to take all the

joy out of life, nothing could be more unjust. The motive and object of

such parents and priests is precisely to safeguard the happiness of

young folks by protecting them from the sad consequences of their own

imprudent desires.

You know that a child often wants to have something--a knife, a pistol

or certain food, which no one who truly loves the child would permit it

to have, because it might do itself harm. Now the same is true also of

boys and girls who are just entering young manhood and young womanhood.

Everybody must admit that the parents of a boy still in his teens have

had more experience and know more about life's dangers than the boy

himself. And since such a boy cannot reasonably question his parents'

love for him nor their motives in placing restrictions on his liberty,

he ought to observe those restrictions gladly, and thank Heaven that he

has parents who do their duty and strive to promote his real welfare

and happiness.

In view of all these facts, my deep fatherly concern for your welfare

and happiness prompts me to give you the following advice in regard to

your relations with girls: Put out of your mind all thought of keeping

company until you are twenty-one years old; that is, till you are old

enough to think seriously of marrying and of looking for a suitable

partner for life. That is the only way that you can succeed in guarding

your heart from being entangled in one of those early love affairs that

are so premature and so displeasing to sensible people that they are

called by the contemptuous name "puppy loves." And this line of

conduct, far from being strange or eccentric, is just as sensible as

for a boy to show no interest in real estate. He is not in the market

for a house or lot, and hence does not bother to acquaint himself with

the different styles, merits and costs of houses. And by that same

token, since he is not in the market for a wife, it is equally natural

for him not to bother with girls but to let them pass by as the idle

wind.

This does not mean that a boy must run away or cross the street in

order not to meet a girl whom he spies at a distance; but it does mean

that he should not be thinking up and seeking ways and means of meeting

them and finding excuses for prolonging such meetings. Neither does it

mean that a boy must never meet girls socially at home gatherings or

parties in company with other boys and girls in the presence of their

parents. What I mean is that there should be no pairing off of one boy

with one girl; and that in going to and from such gatherings a boy not

of age should not have a girl friend as his companion, but should

either go alone, or go with some other boy, or with his sister or

brother or parents. It is easy to understand that there is infinitely

more danger of a boy and girl growing intimate, exchanging endearments,

and of falling in love when they are by themselves than when they are

in a crowd. Hence you should not have any individual dates with girls;

should not take a girl to a movie, dance or party, or for a street car

or automobile ride; and you should on principle and for safety sake so

guard your heart and your affections that you will not become involved

in any love affair before your twenty-first birthday.

Now, to repeat what I have already told you, don't think for a moment

that I don't know that many people, old as well as young, will decry

these counsels of mine as old-fashioned and impractical. But nothing

that they say will make human nature any less old-fashioned than it has

always been, nor remove from early company-keeping the dangers I have

pointed out. When so many voices and pens are upholding the pagan

customs of our day, it is time that at least one clear voice be lifted

to defend thoroughly Catholic standards of social conduct and to

inspire high-minded young people to dare to pursue an ideal.

As to the practical objection that it is unsafe for a girl to go home

alone, I say it is far more unsafe for a girl of immature character to

be taken home by an equally immature boy friend. There is ten times

more danger of a girl's losing her innocence when escorted home by such

a boy than of her being attacked by some hoodlum when she is alone.

Such attacks are usually made on girls who of their own accord accept

the attentions of a strange man, not on girls who go about their

business. If a girl has no girl friend or elderly person to accompany

her home, she should arrange for her folks to meet her when she steps

from the bus or streetcar.

A word yet in regard to these meetings of groups of boys and girls.

First of all, they should not be frequent and, emphatically, they

should not be everyday affairs. Your ordinary companions, whether

single or several, should be boys; and gatherings of mixed groups,

whether formal or informal, should normally not take place even once a

week. The practice of meeting with a group of boys and girls nearly

every day after school, at a drugstore or some other convenient place,

just to talk; or in the evening, to go riding, bowling, skating and the

like, cannot but have lamentable consequences. Average adolescent boys

and girls just cannot be thrown together constantly like that without

becoming prematurely absorbed in the other sex; and lovesickness,

jealously, heartache, distaste for studies, and even more calamitous

things are the result.

As one wise mother said in counseling her son: "It is easy enough to

run around with girls and do as everybody else does. The silliest sissy

can do that. But you have to remain pure. Be polite to all girls, as if

they were your sisters; but do not be affectionate with any until there

is a question of marrying." (Quoted by Raoul Plus, S.J., in "Radiating

Christ.") So if some of your friends call you old-fashioned or even

sneer at you for following this advice, don't let that disturb you. You

can rather afford to smile at and pity their ignorance and delusion;

for you are much better informed and wiser than they; and your course

of conduct will bring you not only greater blessings, but also greater

and more lasting peace and happiness in the end.

INSTRUCTION XI

My dear son,

In the instruction that I gave you on purity, I called your attention

to the reverence you owe your body as a temple of the Holy Ghost.

Ignorance or disregard of this sublime truth is undoubtedly one of the

reasons why so many people think that they may use their body as they

please without regard for it dignity and sacred character. Added to

this, as another cause of the deplorable lack of modesty in so many

people, is ignorance or the denial of original sin and its consequences

for soul and body.

It is true that the soul's white robe of sanctifying grace, which was

lost by the sin of Adam, is restored in Baptism; but the body's robe of

innocence as well as its armor of immortality, which were likewise lost

through original sin, are not restored in this life. In consequence of

this loss, just as it is necessary for man to guard his body with

clothing against the inclemency of the weather, so it is also necessary

for him to cover his body and its members that his gaze may not fall on

objects that stir up his passions, and that he may not become a prey to

his own unruly animal desires.

These two facts--the dignity of the body as the temple of the Holy

Ghost, and the concupiscence or inordinate animal cravings of the body,

demand the observance of certain precautions in regard to the body both

in our own private conduct as well as in our relations with others. As

I have already warned you how to conduct yourself in the care you must

take of your body, I shall now explain how you should act in your

dealings and associations with others, in particular, with those with

whom the danger is greatest and most frequent; namely, with persons of

the opposite sex.

Although, as intelligent beings, we can communicate with one another by

signs, speech and writing, still, as beings that have a body as well as

a soul, we naturally like to show our feelings also by means of bodily

contacts; such as pressure of the hand or a pat on the back. Contacts

of a more familiar character, however, are reserved for relatives and

intimate friends. Thus you don't walk arm in arm with a boy with whom

you have only a speaking acquaintance. Neither do you, except when

going into a huddle in sports, put your arm around such a boy's waist

or neck. These are demonstrations of regard reserved for close friends.

A gentleman does not even offer his hand to a lady to whom he is

introduced; and he takes her hand only if she extends it first. And if

he is a real Christian gentleman, he will not kiss any girl to whom he

is not closely related.

So you see, son, how the practice of respectable people draws a line of

distinction between the physical tokens of esteem that they bestow upon

persons with whom they come into social contact. Some they greet with a

nod; to some they offer their hand; others they may take by the arm;

but only close relatives and intimate friends receive the salute of

their lips. And the reason very plainly is that in all these tokens of

love and regard there are greater or lesser degrees of sacredness,

which would be entirely eliminated if the more intimate endearments

were bestowed indiscriminately upon all.

It stands to reason, then, that a boy or a girl who is ready to kiss

anybody and everybody that he or she feels like kissing, can hardly be

depended upon to make an ideal husband or wife. They show themselves

too flighty, too cheap. If they set so little value on their kisses as

to give them to all kinds of persons, they are apt to indulge in still

other liberties that will rob them of their self-respect and in the end

destroy their virtue. And when young folks have led such a life before

their marriage, there is danger that they will not be content with the

love of one person after they are married, but will be led to be

unfaithful to their marriage vows.

From this you can conclude what is to be thought of those parties where

so-called kissing games are played, and where the sacred character of

the kiss is cheapened and degraded by being imposed as a penalty in a

game of chance. If you ever think of yourself as a future husband, is

the girl you picture as your bride one who has bestowed her kisses on

numerous other boys? Or is she not rather a girl who has held her lips

in reserve for the boy of her dreams--the boy whom she promised to

marry? But if you would like a wife who had saved her kisses for you,

is it not only right and proper that you should hold your lips in

reserve for her?

Believe me, son, the danger in this business of kissing is not to be

brushed aside lightly. The very levity with which so many young people

treat the matter of kissing and caressing is one of the chief causes

that leads them to indulge in downright impure liberties with each

other, and even into the terrible sin of arrogating to themselves while

still single the sacred privileges of the married state. Yes, some

unmarried young people even perform the marital act together; and if

the girl becomes an expectant mother in consequence, in many cases, to

hide her sin, she adds the sin of murder to that impurity by

mercilessly killing the helpless babe in her womb.

These are terrible things, son, sins in fact that cry to Heaven for

vengeance; but they are the natural consequences of that utterly pagan

custom of our day of allowing mere boys and girls to keep company as if

they were of marriageable age; and not only that, but also according

them practically as much privacy in their associations with each other

as if they were actually married. And from living side by side with

people who have these low moral standards, many Catholics who should

know better are also led astray and fall into these same awful sins.

It is hard to explain, but it is a fact that sometimes Catholics are

worse than non-Catholics in this respect; and that some non-Catholic

boys and girls have higher standards than Catholic ones. Just listen to

what the conductor of the woman's department in a non-Catholic daily

paper says on this subject, commenting on a letter from a girl named

Susie: "A boy told Susie that she is the kind of girl that men forget,

and Susie is brokenhearted over the remark. She says she is pretty, a

snappy dresser, that she kisses the boys any time they ask her, and

can't see anything wrong in it in spite of what old fogies say. She can

go to a party and drink hootch, smoke cigarettes, and never forget

herself. She doesn't mind if the men do 'neck,' because she can tell

them where to get off before they go too far. Wonder if Susie herself

has not given a pretty fair picture of the kind of girl that men

forget.

"Let's look at this girl you've presented here, Susie. How would you

sum her up? Isn't cheap the word? Isn't the cheap girl the one men

forget--because there isn't anything about her worth remembering? Men

do not forget the girl who puts enough value on herself to repulse

their too familiar advances. They do not forget the girl who knows you

cannot demand respect by words when your conduct belies your words. In

her they brush up against something clean and fine that leaves an

impression. The girl they don't forget, Susie, is the one who reminds

them of the better stuff they're made of. The cheap girl doesn't.

That's why they forget her."

So there you have a writer, not in a paper intended only for Catholics,

but in a metropolitan daily, offering advice to readers of every class,

with or without religion, and setting down the girl who is free with

her kisses as the cheap girl--the kind that men forget. But if a girl

free with her kisses is a cheap girl, then the boy who takes advantage

of such a girl is equally cheap and a cad. There is no double standard

of morality, one for women and one for men, making actions that would

be reprehensible in a girl, permissible or lightly to be excused in a

boy. No, the same standard holds for both sexes; and precisely because

the man should be the knightly protector of woman, it is wholly un-

worthy of a man, mean and despicable to trifle with the affection and

virtue of various girls and then pretend to be worthy of having a pure

and unspoiled girl for his wife.

But how can you escape the fine of a kiss, if it is imposed on you in a

game at a party? Simply by refusing to pay it. If any game involving

kissing is proposed, let it be known that you will not take part in it.

If you thus show that you have courage enough to dare to be different,

and state that it is a matter of principle with you, the better class

of your companions may side with you and persuade the rest to content

themselves with games more suited to self-respecting young ladies and

gentlemen. And even should you unsuspectingly run into such a kissing

penalty, who can make you carry it out? Are your companions not young

ladies and gentlemen? If so, how can they compel you to kiss a girl?

But if they are not ladies and gentlemen, then you will know that you

are in the wrong crowd; and in order not to embarrass them further,

politely ask for your hat, bid them all a kind good-night and--go home.

I don't think Emily Post would frown on this procedure; but even if she

should, the code of Sinai is more binding than the code of society.

There is yet one more point that I must call to your attention, and

then I will bring this instruction to a close. I spoke before of

kissing leading to downright impure liberties. A boy would be guilty of

such liberties, if he would touch a girl on her breasts, on her limbs

or body close to the private parts and, of course, on the private parts

themselves, whether above or beneath the clothing. All such deliberate

touches are mortal sins; and so, too, are all actions (kisses included)

that are indulged in with sexual pleasure, or which constitute in

themselves a proximate occasion of indulging in such pleasure; because

the enjoyment of that pleasure has been strictly restricted by Almighty

God to the holy state of matrimony.

Not every kiss, of course, between a boy and a girl is always and

necessarily a sin. There may be light and hasty kisses indulged in by

thoughtless young folks that are not sinful. But the step from such

kisses to venially sinful kisses is very swift. And when kisses become

eager, ardent, oft repeated or long drawn out, they are practically

always mortal sins, because they naturally arouse sexual pleasure, if

not in the girl at least in the boy. That a boy in his teens may

sometimes feel like kissing certain girls and keeping company with them

is quite natural and to be expected; just as he often feels like doing

other things that he should not do. We Catholics know very well that it

is not only wrong but obligatory to repress certain animal appetites,

and that the practice of repressing such lower instincts plays a most

important part in the development of a person's character. "So much

progress shalt thou make," says the author of the "Following of

Christ," "as thou dost violence to thyself." So bide your time. Be

content to be a boy a while longer, and do not covet the privileges of

mature age until by years of restraint you have developed a strong will

and steady character.

To conclude, then, son, though you have long known that you must avoid

dangerous occasions of sin, you probably did not know how much danger

lies in actions so commonly looked upon and represented on stage and

screen as harmless tokens of endearment. Hereafter, if anyone tries to

make you believe that kissing, embracing, fondly holding hands and

similar actions between unmarried persons of opposite sex are perfectly

innocent and legitimate pastime, you will know better; and you will no

doubt thank God that you were warned of the danger in time. But as

knowledge alone will not save you when you are tempted by the

enticements of the flesh, continue to strengthen your will by the

devout recital of the three Hail Marys for purity as your morning and

evening prayers, and also by the frequent reception of the Sacraments.

INSTRUCTION XII

My dear son,

In the instruction I gave you on keeping company, I explained that the

purpose of courtship is to find a suitable partner with whom to enter

the holy state of matrimony; and that, in consequence, boys and girls

should not begin to keep company until they are of marriageable age. As

you are now nearing the end of your teens, I want to speak to you again

on this subject in order to strengthen your determination to follow my

advice, and at the same time to counsel you further as to what you

should avoid to pass unspoiled through this critical period of your

life. I am confident that you don't want to make the same mistakes that

thousands of other youths are making, but that you want to be

different, and not only not follow the crowd, but even win others away

from the crowd to the pursuit of Catholic ideals.

For a proper understanding of the matter of company-keeping it is

important first of all to bear in mind that the time of courtship is

not a state of life, but a period of transition; and that love-making

is not to be engaged in for its own sake or for the sake of the

pleasure it affords, but as a preparation for the state of matrimony.

Hence if a boy has decided to become a priest or religious, he should

not begin to keep company at all.

There is no denying the fact that for the average person whose vocation

is the married state, the time of courtship holds some of the sweetest

joys of life. But these very joys themselves point to marriage as their

culmination; for back of the lovers' present enjoyment of each other is

always the thought and the hope that their present all too brief hours

of companionship will one day be crowned by a lifelong inseparable

union in the home of their dreams.

Now if the time of courtship is to be a time of preparation for

marriage, it follows necessarily that when a boy enters that stage of

his life, he should give serious thought to the obligations of the

married state. Many a boy looks upon the day of his coming of age

merely as the day of his complete emancipation from the restrictions of

boyhood and the day of his entrance upon a period of absolute in-

dependence. Such a view is not only wrong but dangerous as well. A boy

who is of age may not simply do as he pleases--go and come as he

pleases, but still owes his parents not only love and reverence, but

also obedience as long as he remains under the parental roof. Prudent

parents will, of course, gradually grant him a considerable amount of

independence in order to accustom him to decide and act for himself:

but they are still responsible for him and should gently but firmly use

their parental authority to shield him from forming dangerous habits

and companionships.

The reason why you should give serious thought to the obligations of

marriage before you become deeply interested in girls is because, if

you do not do so before you fall in love, you will not be likely to do

so afterwards. The mentality of a boy in love usually admits of no

serious reflection on the sterner things of life; and in consequence he

sees no need of preparation for the duties of married life. All the

more reason, then, for you to do some serious thinking now. What would

you think of a young man who would want to be ordained to the

priesthood without having seriously considered the obligations of that

state, and without having striven to fit himself for the proper per-

formance of his duties as a priest? But the candidate for the married

state also faces most serious and difficult obligations--to himself, to

his partner in marriage, to his children, to God and the Church, to his

country, and to society at large; and it would be folly for anyone to

expect to fulfill all these obligations without having prepared himself

for them beforehand.

You are familiar with fairy tales which close the story of happily

wedded lovers with the words, "And they lived happily ever after." If

the meaning is that their wedded life was an unbroken round of

pleasures, then those words do not depict the normal course of marriage

in real life. In actual life marriage means crosses and sacrifices,

anxieties and disappointments, labor and suffering, just the same as

the priesthood and the religious state. And only they who are willing

and unselfish enough to sacrifice their ease and comfort for the

designs of God and the welfare of others, will find true peace and

happiness in matrimony.

What the designs of God are in regard to matrimony are very aptly

expressed by the two terms "matrimony" and "conjugal state." Matrimony,

from the Latin words "matris munium," means "office of mother"; and the

office of mother is none other than the office of bearing and rearing

children. You see, then, how wrong it would be to enter the married

state with the intention of shirking the very purpose and office of

matrimony in order to be able to lead a life of ease and pleasure and

personal independence as before. To do that would be just as wrong as

for a man to enter the priesthood and assume the office of pastor, and

then shirk the duties of his office by refusing to preach, to say Mass

to hear Confessions and to visit the sick.

The word "conjugal" comes from the Latin word "conjugium," which means

a joining together by a yoke. A yoke, you know, is not a decoration

like a bridal wreath, but something binding two together for a common

work. The conjugal state, therefore, is the state of a man and a woman

who have assumed together the yoke or obligation of laboring together

to achieve the purpose of the married state; namely, the rearing of a

family.

It is evident, then, that marriage is not a sinecure but a serious

vocation. But that is also the beautiful thing about matrimony, just

the same as about the priesthood, that its reward, as far as it is

realized here below, comes precisely from the unselfish performance of

its obligations. What do you think is the greatest earthly happiness

that comes to the young man who enters the married state? What is the

greatest thrill of his life? Is it that moment, so sung in story, when

the girl of his dreams promises to become his wife and he impresses the

first sacred kiss on her chaste maiden lips? No, my son. Is it perhaps

that long desired moment when, with wedding bells aringing and amid the

organ's trembling tones, he accepts her solemn pledge of fidelity "till

death do us part"? Again I say, No, my son. Neither is it the pleasure

attending the marital embrace, by which marriage is consummated and the

marriage bond made indissoluble. For although in that embrace husband

and wife become so completely one that, as the Bible says, they become

"two in one flesh," still it is not in the act itself but in the result

that God intended to produce through it that a Christian husband finds

his greatest joy.

Yes, my son, the supreme thrill that comes to the happily wedded couple

is that which fills their souls when they hold their first-born in

their arms, and see in it not only the joint product of their love, but

also the union of their own very substance into a new human being, in

which each can trace the beloved features of the other and which will

endure forever as a living monument of their love.

Add to this the parents' further happy thought that by the assiduous

performance of their parental duties, by their prayers, their

instructions, their wise counsels, training and good example, they can

mould this child into a beautiful character that will be a joy to men

and angels and give glory to God for all eternity, you will understand

clearly how true it is that the most worthwhile and lasting joys of

wedded life come from the unselfish fulfillment of the sacred office of

parenthood. And in the case of those parents who look upon parenthood

as a vocation, this is true not only of the first child, but also of

each succeeding one; so much so that one sometimes hears a mother say

that her husband carries on about the new baby as if they had never had

a baby before.

In contemplating marriage, then, you should be contemplating the

vocation of parenthood--a privileged and sublime vocation it is true,

but a serious and difficult one as well. Only if you view marriage in

this light, will you be likely to escape those pitfalls which so often

prove disastrous to young people when they keep company. For, viewing

marriage as a serious matter, you will also regard courtship, which

leads to marriage, as a serious matter; and in weighing the

qualifications of the young women you meet, you will judge of their

comparative fitness to be your wife, not by their personal charm or

their ability to help you have a good time, but by their ability to

bear the yoke of wedded life and fulfill the duties of mother toward

your children.

Fortified with this serious outlook on courtship, you will not allow it

to degenerate into a dangerous or even sinful though pleasurable

pastime. And realizing that the physical endearments, kissing and

embracing, which so many indulge in recklessly during this period, may

easily become sinful in themselves or proximate occasions of mortal

sin, you will on principle not permit them to yourself until you are

engaged, and even then only sparingly and with great caution. If you

are choice, as you should be, in selecting your girl companions, you

may presume that they are in the state of grace and, therefore, temples

of the Holy Ghost; and this thought should fill you with a sincere and

deep reverence for their person. Indeed, if you take this supernatural

attitude towards your girl friend, you will be willing, like the

knights of old, to defend her honor at the cost of your life; and you

will recoil as from a dastardly deed from the very thought of touching

her improperly. Without doubt it was with such a feeling of deep

reverence that a certain American soldier in France approached his

fiancee to kiss her for the first time, which he did with the permis-

sion and in the presence of her parents; for, describing the event to

his Chaplain later on, he said: "I felt as if I was going to Holy

Communion."

And listen to what a non-Catholic writer says about the object of his

youthful love: "What noble deeds were we not ripe for in the days when

we loved! What noble lives could we not have lived for her sake! Our

love was a religion we could have died for.... And, oh, how beautiful

she was, how wondrous beautiful! It was as some angel entering the

room, and all else became plain and earthly. She was too sacred to be

touched. It seemed almost presumptuous to gaze at her. You would as

soon have thought of kissing her as of singing comic songs in a

cathedral." And then he sighs: "Ah, those foolish days, those foolish

days when we were unselfish and pure-minded; those foolish days when

our simple hearts were full of truth, and faith, and reverence! Ah,

those foolish days of noble longings and of noble strivings!" (Jerome

K. Jerome in "Idle Thoughts of An Idle Fellow.")

The simplest and surest way of eliminating the dangers of

company-keeping is to follow the old-time custom of visiting your girl

friends in their homes with other members of the family present, and of

not taking a girl out except accompanied by some other girl companion.

That is also the surest way of getting an opportunity to study your

girl friend and get a true picture of her disposition and character.

When she is alone with you, she naturally tries to show herself at her

best; there she is sweet and gentle and obliging. But note how she acts

toward her parents, brothers and sisters in the home. If there her

demeanor changes; if there she frowns and frets and "shows her claws"

when she is crossed, you will have a better idea of what her conduct is

likely to be toward her husband after she is married.

No matter how widely the practice has spread in this pagan age of

permitting unmarried young couples, whether engaged or not, to go

driving alone together, to roam the woods alone together, or to sit

together by themselves for hours in some lonely place, the practice is

to be condemned, because it is a serious occasion of sin and one that

cannot be justified as necessary. Every boy and girl whose intentions

are honorable should welcome the presence of others as a proof of the

innocence of their relations and as a safeguard against their own

weakness. The old custom of chaperonage was dictated not only by

Christian prudence, but also by plain common sense and the modern

practice, so pernicious in its results, of according young couples al-

most as much privacy and seclusion as if they were married, is

condemned even by decent pagans.

It is idle to say that boys and girls must pray and receive the

Sacraments frequently and remember their dignity, and then there will

be no danger if they are alone together. To say there will be no danger

is to fly in the face of all experience and equivalent to saying that

you can put live coals and straw together without danger of fire.

Certainly they must pray; but their first duty is to avoid the danger;

and when that is impossible, then they must use both natural and

supernatural means to pass through it unharmed. That means that, should

you at any time happen to be alone with a young lady, the way to meet

the situation is to avoid physical contacts and, above all, to keep

your hands off her person. Remember, as I told you in a previous in-

struction, that the physical tokens of affection for which girls have a

natural weakness, do not ordinarily have the strong sexual reaction on

girls that they have on boys; and, therefore, for your own protection,

beware of being allured into what may prove a trap for your virtue.

Once you are engaged, if you must give your fiancee a good-night kiss,

do it in the house where you say good-night to everybody else. When a

boy kisses his mother or sister good-bye, does he go off into some dark

corner where nobody can see him? Why, then, should he want to seek pri-

vacy and darkness in order to kiss his girl friend good-night?

Many of your friends would only laugh at these cautions I am giving

you; but by observing them, son, you will not only spare yourself many

a pang of conscience, but also preserve the physical endearments of

love in all their freshness for your married life, where you can

indulge in them with a clear conscience for their proper purpose of

easing the burdens of wedded life, cementing more firmly the married

union, and keeping alive some of the romance of love long after the

days of courtship are over.

Having devoted the greater part of this instruction to impressing upon

you the serious nature of marriage and courtship, let me in conclusion

help you to realize the sacred character of the marriage act. You will

no doubt remember that in a previous instruction I stated that the

Sacrament of Matrimony, like the Sacrament of Holy Orders, gives rights

and privileges as well as powers and obligations not possessed by those

who have not received this Sacrament. Now the great privilege of

married couples is to co-operate with Almighty God in bringing new

intelligent beings into existence, just as it is the privilege of the

priest to co-operate with God in bringing Jesus Christ upon our altar.

To bring an immortal being into existence is so solemn an act that when

God created the first man, He did not simply say, "Let man be made", as

He said, "Let light be made", but calling upon the other two Persons of

the Blessed Trinity, He said: "Let Us make man to Our image and

likeness." Then, having formed a body out of the earth, He breathed

into it an immortal soul, and man was made a living and immortal being,

an image and likeness of God Himself.

What a distinction it would have been for the great sculptor

Michelangelo if God had said to him: "Come, let us make a living statue

of Myself. I will direct you how to make it out of your own materials

and with your own instruments; and then I will breathe into it an

immortal soul, and it will exist forever as the joint product of your

skill and my power."

Such a distinction is actually granted by Almighty God to all parents.

In His infinite wisdom God placed in the parents' own bodies the

instruments and the materials for making an image of Himself,

fashioning their bodies in such a way that in the marital embrace the

husband's generative organ fits into that of his wife. And in His

infinite love, God ordained that, as a climax to that loving embrace,

the precious germ of life is transmitted from husband to wife to be

united with a similar substance in her womb for the formation of a tiny

human body. In the very same instant that those two elements, the

father cell and the mother cell, unite in an eternal embrace to form a

body, God creates in it an immortal soul, thus making a living image of

Himself, an indestructible link between husband and wife, and an

everlasting memorial of their mutual love.

And thus you see, my son, what a wonderful and sacred act the marital

embrace is, and what an intimate union God establishes through it

between Himself and human nature, between husband and wife, and between

parents and their beloved child.

This ends these formal instructions, my son; but don't think now that

hereafter I do not want to be bothered with your problems or personal

affairs. I shall always be happy to advise you and help you as much as

I can. And I sincerely hope that you will continue to confide in me;

for you may be sure that no one is more interested in your true welfare

and happiness than your dear old Dad.

FINIS